Ask Mr Dreadful
Created | Updated Mar 24, 2005
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Arrr!
... And so I said to the Admiral: 'you idiot, I said "trousers"!'
Oops, didn't see you there. Welcome, once again, to Ask Mr. Dreadful!
Every month (in theory) I'll be putting up the most moving and heartfelt letters I have received in the previous four weeks along with one or two classics from the Ask Mr. Dreadful backlog1.
Do you have difficulties with pirates?
Are you unsure of the correct way to badger a badger or clean a polecat?
Is your life unfulfilled and void of helpful advice?
If the answer to any of these questions is 'yes' then... Ask Mr. Dreadful, H2G2's one and only Agony Pirate.
What's in a Name?
Dear Mr. Dreadful,
Would it be okay to call my first born son 'Richard'.
Yours,
Mrs Cranium
Dear Mrs Cranium,
I see no reason why not... I mean, it is possible to shorten the name, but what could be so funny about calling a kid Rich or Richie?
The Secret of Longevity
Dear Mr. Dreadful,
Just how long is the life of long life milk, how do they get it to live so long and what does it do to fill its spare time?
Yours,
Dai
Dear Dai,
Long life milk can live for up to two weeks if looked after properly. It is so long lived because it doesn't drink, doesn't smoke and goes to bed early every night. In its spare time it does cross stitch and reads Tennyson.
If you have any problems with your lifestyle, or just need advice about keel hauling leave a message on the latest thread on Ask Mr. Dreadful or contact Mr. Dreadful directly via e-mail. I shall attempt to answer all correspondence even though only a small portion of it will appear in the column every month. Letters may be edited for crimes against grammar.
Until next time, mateys!
Mr. Dreadful
