I still haven't figured out what "butter wouldn't melt in her mouth" means.

I'm not sure I want to.

Most aphorisms and epithets, for me, are excuses for puns.

Language is no fun unless you play with it.


People who use words as if they were curling stones irritate me.

They have a very small vocabulary and they don't want to think

about what they are saying anymore than they have to.

They don't want me to think about it, either.

I have a shirt that I had embroidered with the words "verbal proofreader" over the pocket, like it were an official business

title. It never ceases to amaze me how many people are mystified

by it and then are offended when I tell them it is a joke.


I used the word "esoteric" in a sentence at work one time and the

co-worker I was spaking to asked me what it meant and then

excoriated me for not just "saying what I meant, instead of 'showing off'."

The man is 57 years old. He has a 14 year old, just like I do.

Lovely. My child knows what esoteric means. My wife doesn't,

but that's another matter entirely.