The Book of Hasselhoff 4:29-35

29. And so it was revealed by DM that facial hair = Evil.
30. And the agony pirate did ask: "What, you mean like in Knight Rider?"
31. So 2legs said unto the people: "Knight Rider, knightridder, nightridder, Knight Hoover, knighthoover, nighthoover."
32. Mr. Dreadful did reply in awe: "But 2Legs, that means that Nighthoover is... David Hasselhoff!"
33. And 2legs screamed to the uncaring sky: "No No NO NO NO NO NO NO No No NO NO NO NO NO NO No No NO NO NO NO NO NO."
34. "No No NO NO NO NO NO NO No No NO NO NO NO NO NO No No NO NO NO NO NO NO No No NO NO NO NO NO NO No No NO NO NO NO NO NO."
35. "No No NO NO NO NO NO NO No No NO NO NO NO NO NO No No NO NO NO NO NO NO No No NO NO NO NO NO NO No No NO NO NO NO NO NO."

As you enter the Church you notice a Hammond organ version of the Knight Rider theme tune being piped through various hidden speakers. Massive video screens show clips from Knight Rider. Rows of pews stretch in front of you towards a giant statue of David Hasselhoff Hoovering in his pyjamas. Priests of various ranks, all clad in 80s-style leather jackets, white t-shirts and blue jeans walk around using Dust Busters and other small vacuum cleaners to tend to the faithful, many of whom have swooned in their exultation.

Together we shall spread the word of Nighthoover the Hasselhoff.

Give up all of thy worldly possessions so that we shall one day be able to afford to buy KITT, the Hasselhoff's sacred chariot.

The Commandments of Hasselhoff

• Thou shalt not fancy the one with no breasts in Baywatch.
• Thou shalt credit the Hasselhoff with the fall of Communism.
• Thou shalt always carry small dogs on your motorbike.
• Thou shalt not grow a goatee, to grow a goatee is a sign of the Evil Twin.
• Thou shalt not complain about the lack of Commandments.

Church Members

• nighthoover - The Hasselhoff.
• Mr. Dreadful – Supreme High Uber-Priest and Keeper of the Sacred Denim.
• 2legs - Top Notch Preacher and Bearer of the Evil Twin's Moustache.
• Lady Pennywhistle – Knight Hoover of the Order of the Missing Question-Mark Smiley.
• Count Zero - Knight Rider Ridder and Hasseler of Hoffs.
• Lady Brianna - Keeper of the Wholey Mullet.

Church Uniform

• Black leather 80's style leather jacket (Senior members get one with tassels and a silver eagle on the back).
• Blue stone-wash jeans.
• White T-shirt.
• Mullet wig.