Jason Campbell
Created | Updated Nov 5, 2005
Jason Campbell, Tactical Ninja
Jason Campbell is a very crazy individual. Make that krazy with a "k". He is krazy like this only in ways that you could dream in your most vivid nightmares. He is well known for clubbing seal cubs. Especially the fluffy ones with big watery eyes. He also likes poking out the eyes with a fork or a spoon, depending on his mood. "The back end of a spear is especially good for this." Jason comments. Soon after, he adds, "The back end of the spear is also good for your mom". Such comments are typical of Jason, and he shows no remorse for ruthlessly making lewd comments about the mothers of any within earshot. When asked why he likes making such jokes he responds, "Cause your mom is hot.". He has also not yet seen Napoleon Dynamite. He is watching it tonight.
Life achievements:
* Once deep fried a pickle at McDonald's
* Also deep fried an egg. Possibly at same McDonald's
* Pulled fire alarm at hospital.
* Tied self to friend, ran in opposite direction until rope pulled taught.
* Protected old lady from being mauled by a bear
* Stole said old lady's purse
* Attempted to feed birds Mercury.
* Lacerated hands in doing so.
* Danced with wolves. Twice.
[UPDATE] Has watched Naploean Dynamite.
[UPDATED UPDATE] Repeatedly.
[AN UPDATE TO THE UPDATED UPDATE] Hasn't contacted the author's of this page for almost a year.
[THE UPDATED UPDATE TO THE PREVIOUSLY UPDATED UPDATE]Now he has, there was much rejoicing and singing.
THE END
Jason Campbell is a very crazy individual. Make that krazy with a "k". He is krazy like this only in ways that you could dream in your most vivid nightmares. He is well known for clubbing seal cubs. Especially the fluffy ones with big watery eyes. He also likes poking out the eyes with a fork or a spoon, depending on his mood. "The back end of a spear is especially good for this." Jason comments. Soon after, he adds, "The back end of the spear is also good for your mom". Such comments are typical of Jason, and he shows no remorse for ruthlessly making lewd comments about the mothers of any within earshot. When asked why he likes making such jokes he responds, "Cause your mom is hot.". He has also not yet seen Napoleon Dynamite. He is watching it tonight.
Life achievements:
* Once deep fried a pickle at McDonald's
* Also deep fried an egg. Possibly at same McDonald's
* Pulled fire alarm at hospital.
* Tied self to friend, ran in opposite direction until rope pulled taught.
* Protected old lady from being mauled by a bear
* Stole said old lady's purse
* Attempted to feed birds Mercury.
* Lacerated hands in doing so.
* Danced with wolves. Twice.
[UPDATE] Has watched Naploean Dynamite.
[UPDATED UPDATE] Repeatedly.
[AN UPDATE TO THE UPDATED UPDATE] Hasn't contacted the author's of this page for almost a year.
[THE UPDATED UPDATE TO THE PREVIOUSLY UPDATED UPDATE]Now he has, there was much rejoicing and singing.
THE END
