h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[YK uses the Force to pull the scimitars out of the orcs' hands, and his lightsaber to hack the scimitars to bits]

The orcs look rather confused by this since there is no such thing as the force in this universe. The universe catches up with this and the scimitars crash to the floor. They start gabbling amongst themselves that adventures ought to fight fair.

[Okay, let's call it "telekinesis" instead of "the Force". It all amounts to the same thing. Also, YK lost his concentration when Nerfal placed a hand on his (YK) shoulder]

[Nerfal] Perhaps, since I am the strongest, we ought to present ourselves as though I were the leader.

[YK] Fine with me.

[Nerfal] Greetings.

One of the enraged Orcs cries out picks up the scimitar as he runs past and takes a slash at Nerfal who looks ok for a minute before collapsing. Nerfal begins to snore as the orc waves his sword in a threatening manner.

BTW, Nerfal, you aren't the strongest

[Well, Link's in his "ten-year-old" form, so Nerfal /is/ the strongest at the moment.]

[YK] Uh-oh.

[YC and YK take out their lightsabers, and slice all the orcs' scimitars to bits]

*Bluebottle is cut in half by an orc, and his blood stains the floor of the cave*
You rotten swine you! You have deaded me again!
*Comes back to life*

[YK] You weren't quite dead.

Unless we walk backwards.

Umm... please don't continue this.

See the subjects of the posts above.

So do you want to move on? There are two columns holding up the roof here. A door leads east and a corridor leaves the room heading west from the south west corner.

[YK] How about Left?

[YC] Er, through the door.

Yes, through the door sounds good to me...

[They go through the door]

A slow, muffled and broken drumming can be heard as you walk through the door. As you turn right to face the room you stop and stare.

Two filthy, human-like creatures squat together here. They have deeply set, staring eyes, long, pointed teeth, and long-nailed, claw-like hands. The two are holding the split remnants of bones-- probably human bones. They are beating on what looks like an upside-down shield, over which has been stretched some sort of hide. They see you, and break off drumming to rise hissing.

[YK] Hm. Wonder what /they/ were?

[Link turns the shield over, revealing its front]

[Link] Hey, look!

As you turn the shield over, something rattles within the well of the shield. You shake it again and the same clanking rattle can be heard.

As you call the others over the deformed ghouls who's shield it is attack. As they rain blow after blow on you, you begin feeling inexplicably weak and tired.

As you turn the shield over, something rattles within the well of the shield. You shake it again and the same clanking rattle can be heard.

As you call the others over the deformed ghouls who's shield it is attack. As they rain blow after blow on you, you begin feeling inexplicably weak and tired.

You rotten ghoulish swines you! You've deaded me again!
*recovers*
I feel much better now.
*Swings shield at Ghouls attacking my friends.*

[Link hides under the Mirror Shield, which deflects ANY nonphysical attack.]

[YK] Thanks, Link, ... you're a ... real ... help... [faints]

[Link] Uh-oh.

[YC] [raises his ring] I command the power of the Schwartz to ... do something! [transforms into a pink bunny rabbit] Oh drat!

[Nerfal also faints]

[Link suddenly jumps upward, bashing all the ghouls with the Mirror Shield]

The mirror shield shatters irrepairably into fine dust. The ghouls keep coming.