A Strange Infection
Created | Updated May 11, 2008
"Charlie! I'm not going to call you again! If you make me come up there to that pest-hole to get you out of your pit, I'll be carrying a bucket of water!"
Charlie turned over with a groan.
"Alright mum, in a minute."
"I'm filling the bucket."
"Coming."
He rolled out of bed and stumbled about still half asleep, looking for something to wear.
"Mum. Where's my Iron Maiden T-shirt?"
"How should I know? Somewhere in the steaming heap of nesting material strewn about your room I suppose."
"Haven't you washed it?"
"Not unless you put it in the laundry basket. Did you put it in the laundry basket?"
His mum reached the top of the stairs and gingerly pushed his bedroom door open.
Charlie stopped burrowing through piles of smelly socks, pants, jeans and T-shirts and turned to face his mother.
"I don't know. I can't remember."
"Well then! I suggest you spend the day cleaning up this pig-sty and transferring the most offensive items into the washing machine. I've shown you how to use it - so use it!"
"Oh.... mum.... . I'm busy."
"Busy my foot, you idle little beggar! It's time you started looking after yourself. I'm not your servant! And I have to go to work now - otherwise I'd stand over you and watch you, to make sure you cleaned this revolting outpost of the dungeon dimension. Your grandfather telephoned me half an hour ago to complain that some snotty little feral urchin, claiming to be his grandson, turned up on his doorstep yesterday - pension day - to beg for money to buy his mother a bunch of flowers. And he was daft enough to hand over the cash. So where are my flowers son?"
"Sorry mum. I was going to get them, but then I met some friends and got side-tracked. I'll get them today."
"You know, they'd mean more to me if you got yourself a paper round or something and earned the money instead of tapping some poor old pensioner for it. It's time you grew up! Anyway, I have to go now or I'm going to be late. Your brother should be home soon. Try not to annoy him."
He waited for the sound of the front door, then Charlie heaved a sigh -- of relief that she'd gone and resignation that Ed was on his way. He'd forgotten about Ed coming home for the weekend. Ed had a bone to pick with him. There was a story in the local paper that was getting people very excited. Granddad called it one of those "silly season" stories, like the stories about UFOs that fill the papers when there's no real news. But granddad lived a few miles away, so he hadn't seen the weird animals. Mum had told Ed about it - and Ed had put two and two together.
He was trapped. If he didn't make at least a token effort to tidy his room, mum would gut him and if he stayed in, Ed might dismember him... possibly... depending on how much he knew about the incident involving Charlie and the glowing rats.
Well, he couldn't avoid his brother for ever. He decided to face the music - heavy rock no doubt.
When Ed arrived, Charlie had just closed the washing machine door and switched it on, having overloaded it and forgotten to put any washing powder in the drawer.
Charlie swapped his usual sullen-bored expression for an over-cheerful grin.
"Yo bro! How's it going?"
Ed glowered at the kid.
"It could be going better, Charlie. It would have been going better if I hadn't been cursed with you as my brother. You can save your play-acting for the suckers who don't know you. The innocent and confused look is wasted on me. You know what I'm talking about."
"No. Not a clue mate."
"I'm not in the mood for this Charlie. You left a trail of evidence pointing to you. When I tell mum, you'll be grounded until you're 50. You'll be lucky if they don't send you to one of those institutions, especially for sad, half-witted losers and sociopaths like you. If I lose my place at the university because of you, you're dead!"
The look of one unjustly accused slowly dissolved from Charlie's face.
"So bro. So mate. Are you going to tell me how you got hold of the stuff, how much of it you used and what you used it for? If you tell me everything, I might consider trying to help you. If you don't, you're on your own. Oh, and by the way, I'm not going to help you because I like you or because you deserve it or because you're my brother. I'll help you for mum's sake, if I help you at all."
Now Charlie's face wore a hunted look. But there seemed no escape.
"Come on little brother. Let's sit over here, at either end of the table, so you can spill the beans from a safe distance. And I'll try my hardest not to reach across and strangle you. Okay?"
Charlie nodded, looking shifty and reluctant. Then he stepped behind the kitchen table and sat in the corner. Ed sat by the door, adding to the sense that there was no escape.
"Let me start you off. Mum foisted your disagreeable carcass on me for a week when granddad was ill, last month. While I was working, you broke into one of the labs where they were carrying out experiments with enzymes and bacteriophages. ..... I see that you at least have the decency to look embarrassed. Well, you know the details of this outrage better than I do brat, so you take it from there."
"Alright. I got bored staying in your room. I couldn't help it. If I hadn't got out of there I would've gone stir-crazy."
"You couldn't have just gone to the library and read a book, I suppose? Or found a public toilet to deface?"
"Well, yes. I did leave a few tags in some of the cubicles. But I got bored with that too."
Ed just glared. He'd run out of exasperation.
"Just tell me the relevant stuff Charlie. I don't want to hear all your dopy excuses, mitigating circumstances or extraneous waffle. Just the fact!"
"Right. Well, I wandered around until I came to one of the buildings that you showed me the day I arrived. You remember? The tour of the labs and those glowing rats?"
Ed nodded.
"They were amazing! Looked like little rat ghosts in the dark. I just wanted to have another look at them. I didn't think I'd be able to get in. But door after door was unlocked. I just walked right in. Into the building, up the stairs and into the lab. Nobody was about. I had a look at the rats. They looked almost normal with the blinds up. Sort of very pale green. Almost white."
"You didn't just look though, did you?"
Charlie looked down at his hands, fiddled with a biro, examined the muck under his finger nails. Finally he replied.
"There was a big silver fridge over the other side of the lab. I remembered what you said about how they made the rats glow in the dark."
"The fire-fly gene that codes for the enzyme that makes them glow. Luciferase. They introduced it into the rats' DNA, using bacteriophages."
"Yeah. Whatever. Anyway, you pointed out the fridge with the flasks of lucifer-wassname goo. That wasn't locked either. So I took one."
"Now we're getting to it! What did you do with it?"
"I brought it home."
"Then?"
"I put some of it out for the cats."
"Explain!"
"I put a little drop of it in a saucer of milk and put it in the garden for the cats. They drank it and I refilled it."
"You kept doing that until it was all gone?"
"No. I did that for about a week and a half, but nothing happened so I took it to school."
"And...."
"I poured a drop into each of the water jugs that were lined up on the dining hall counter, ready to go on the tables."
Ed put his head in his hands and groaned.
"Anything else?"
"I umm.... "
"Yes?"
"I poured what was left down a drain in the gutter outside the school. And I threw the empty flask over a hedge on the other side of the road."
"That's it? That's all the bad news?"
"That's it!"
"And now there are glowing cats, rats and hedgehogs all over the neighbourhood. Have you actually seen any of them."
Charlie beamed. He just couldn't suppress the enthusiasm he felt at the outcome of his mischief.
"Loads! The first one was a cat. I was just looking out of my bedroom window one night, dying of boredom, when this ghostly moggy crept into the garden, trying to stay invisible among mum's dahlias. It scraped away a little patch of soil and took a dump. I threw the window open and shouted 'BOO' at it. You've never seen anything so funny. It couldn't get its legs sorted out, it was so surprised that someone could see it."
"It's not funny, toad! Then what?"
With some difficulty, Charlie stopped laughing and straightened his face.
"Well, most of the cats in this area glow now, once it gets dark. They must all visit our garden I suppose. Mum's always cracking on about other people's cats using our garden to make their smelly deposits. She put her hand in one the other day when she was weeding."
He started sniggering again.
"Charlie! You're going to have to talk to people in authority about this soon. If you can't take it seriously, they're likely to dream up some uniquely horrible punishment for you. You have to at least appear to be sorry. Do you understand that?"
The kid nodded, extending his lower jaw to physically control his urge to laugh.
"Seen anything else?"
"Yeah. I've seen a couple of spooky hedgehogs and maybe half a dozen of the glowing rats."
"Right. How long since you poisoned your school pals?"
"Couple of days before I saw the first radio-active cat. That's just over a week ago."
"How long between putting out the first saucer of milk and lighting up the night with glowing mammals?"
"About two weeks."
"Oh boy. We've got some explaining to do. And when the kids start to glow...... Charlie you really are an affliction. Oh god, who should I ring first? I don't know where to start."
"It'll wear off, won't it?"
"No it probably won't, you little moron. It's in the DNA. Some of them are likely to pass it on to their own kids. I just hope it has no worse effects."
Ed heaved a heavy sigh.
"Oh well. There's no point delaying. Pass me the 'phone Charlie. I'll start with the university."
Charlie turned over with a groan.
"Alright mum, in a minute."
"I'm filling the bucket."
"Coming."
He rolled out of bed and stumbled about still half asleep, looking for something to wear.
"Mum. Where's my Iron Maiden T-shirt?"
"How should I know? Somewhere in the steaming heap of nesting material strewn about your room I suppose."
"Haven't you washed it?"
"Not unless you put it in the laundry basket. Did you put it in the laundry basket?"
His mum reached the top of the stairs and gingerly pushed his bedroom door open.
Charlie stopped burrowing through piles of smelly socks, pants, jeans and T-shirts and turned to face his mother.
"I don't know. I can't remember."
"Well then! I suggest you spend the day cleaning up this pig-sty and transferring the most offensive items into the washing machine. I've shown you how to use it - so use it!"
"Oh.... mum.... . I'm busy."
"Busy my foot, you idle little beggar! It's time you started looking after yourself. I'm not your servant! And I have to go to work now - otherwise I'd stand over you and watch you, to make sure you cleaned this revolting outpost of the dungeon dimension. Your grandfather telephoned me half an hour ago to complain that some snotty little feral urchin, claiming to be his grandson, turned up on his doorstep yesterday - pension day - to beg for money to buy his mother a bunch of flowers. And he was daft enough to hand over the cash. So where are my flowers son?"
"Sorry mum. I was going to get them, but then I met some friends and got side-tracked. I'll get them today."
"You know, they'd mean more to me if you got yourself a paper round or something and earned the money instead of tapping some poor old pensioner for it. It's time you grew up! Anyway, I have to go now or I'm going to be late. Your brother should be home soon. Try not to annoy him."
He waited for the sound of the front door, then Charlie heaved a sigh -- of relief that she'd gone and resignation that Ed was on his way. He'd forgotten about Ed coming home for the weekend. Ed had a bone to pick with him. There was a story in the local paper that was getting people very excited. Granddad called it one of those "silly season" stories, like the stories about UFOs that fill the papers when there's no real news. But granddad lived a few miles away, so he hadn't seen the weird animals. Mum had told Ed about it - and Ed had put two and two together.
He was trapped. If he didn't make at least a token effort to tidy his room, mum would gut him and if he stayed in, Ed might dismember him... possibly... depending on how much he knew about the incident involving Charlie and the glowing rats.
Well, he couldn't avoid his brother for ever. He decided to face the music - heavy rock no doubt.
When Ed arrived, Charlie had just closed the washing machine door and switched it on, having overloaded it and forgotten to put any washing powder in the drawer.
Charlie swapped his usual sullen-bored expression for an over-cheerful grin.
"Yo bro! How's it going?"
Ed glowered at the kid.
"It could be going better, Charlie. It would have been going better if I hadn't been cursed with you as my brother. You can save your play-acting for the suckers who don't know you. The innocent and confused look is wasted on me. You know what I'm talking about."
"No. Not a clue mate."
"I'm not in the mood for this Charlie. You left a trail of evidence pointing to you. When I tell mum, you'll be grounded until you're 50. You'll be lucky if they don't send you to one of those institutions, especially for sad, half-witted losers and sociopaths like you. If I lose my place at the university because of you, you're dead!"
The look of one unjustly accused slowly dissolved from Charlie's face.
"So bro. So mate. Are you going to tell me how you got hold of the stuff, how much of it you used and what you used it for? If you tell me everything, I might consider trying to help you. If you don't, you're on your own. Oh, and by the way, I'm not going to help you because I like you or because you deserve it or because you're my brother. I'll help you for mum's sake, if I help you at all."
Now Charlie's face wore a hunted look. But there seemed no escape.
"Come on little brother. Let's sit over here, at either end of the table, so you can spill the beans from a safe distance. And I'll try my hardest not to reach across and strangle you. Okay?"
Charlie nodded, looking shifty and reluctant. Then he stepped behind the kitchen table and sat in the corner. Ed sat by the door, adding to the sense that there was no escape.
"Let me start you off. Mum foisted your disagreeable carcass on me for a week when granddad was ill, last month. While I was working, you broke into one of the labs where they were carrying out experiments with enzymes and bacteriophages. ..... I see that you at least have the decency to look embarrassed. Well, you know the details of this outrage better than I do brat, so you take it from there."
"Alright. I got bored staying in your room. I couldn't help it. If I hadn't got out of there I would've gone stir-crazy."
"You couldn't have just gone to the library and read a book, I suppose? Or found a public toilet to deface?"
"Well, yes. I did leave a few tags in some of the cubicles. But I got bored with that too."
Ed just glared. He'd run out of exasperation.
"Just tell me the relevant stuff Charlie. I don't want to hear all your dopy excuses, mitigating circumstances or extraneous waffle. Just the fact!"
"Right. Well, I wandered around until I came to one of the buildings that you showed me the day I arrived. You remember? The tour of the labs and those glowing rats?"
Ed nodded.
"They were amazing! Looked like little rat ghosts in the dark. I just wanted to have another look at them. I didn't think I'd be able to get in. But door after door was unlocked. I just walked right in. Into the building, up the stairs and into the lab. Nobody was about. I had a look at the rats. They looked almost normal with the blinds up. Sort of very pale green. Almost white."
"You didn't just look though, did you?"
Charlie looked down at his hands, fiddled with a biro, examined the muck under his finger nails. Finally he replied.
"There was a big silver fridge over the other side of the lab. I remembered what you said about how they made the rats glow in the dark."
"The fire-fly gene that codes for the enzyme that makes them glow. Luciferase. They introduced it into the rats' DNA, using bacteriophages."
"Yeah. Whatever. Anyway, you pointed out the fridge with the flasks of lucifer-wassname goo. That wasn't locked either. So I took one."
"Now we're getting to it! What did you do with it?"
"I brought it home."
"Then?"
"I put some of it out for the cats."
"Explain!"
"I put a little drop of it in a saucer of milk and put it in the garden for the cats. They drank it and I refilled it."
"You kept doing that until it was all gone?"
"No. I did that for about a week and a half, but nothing happened so I took it to school."
"And...."
"I poured a drop into each of the water jugs that were lined up on the dining hall counter, ready to go on the tables."
Ed put his head in his hands and groaned.
"Anything else?"
"I umm.... "
"Yes?"
"I poured what was left down a drain in the gutter outside the school. And I threw the empty flask over a hedge on the other side of the road."
"That's it? That's all the bad news?"
"That's it!"
"And now there are glowing cats, rats and hedgehogs all over the neighbourhood. Have you actually seen any of them."
Charlie beamed. He just couldn't suppress the enthusiasm he felt at the outcome of his mischief.
"Loads! The first one was a cat. I was just looking out of my bedroom window one night, dying of boredom, when this ghostly moggy crept into the garden, trying to stay invisible among mum's dahlias. It scraped away a little patch of soil and took a dump. I threw the window open and shouted 'BOO' at it. You've never seen anything so funny. It couldn't get its legs sorted out, it was so surprised that someone could see it."
"It's not funny, toad! Then what?"
With some difficulty, Charlie stopped laughing and straightened his face.
"Well, most of the cats in this area glow now, once it gets dark. They must all visit our garden I suppose. Mum's always cracking on about other people's cats using our garden to make their smelly deposits. She put her hand in one the other day when she was weeding."
He started sniggering again.
"Charlie! You're going to have to talk to people in authority about this soon. If you can't take it seriously, they're likely to dream up some uniquely horrible punishment for you. You have to at least appear to be sorry. Do you understand that?"
The kid nodded, extending his lower jaw to physically control his urge to laugh.
"Seen anything else?"
"Yeah. I've seen a couple of spooky hedgehogs and maybe half a dozen of the glowing rats."
"Right. How long since you poisoned your school pals?"
"Couple of days before I saw the first radio-active cat. That's just over a week ago."
"How long between putting out the first saucer of milk and lighting up the night with glowing mammals?"
"About two weeks."
"Oh boy. We've got some explaining to do. And when the kids start to glow...... Charlie you really are an affliction. Oh god, who should I ring first? I don't know where to start."
"It'll wear off, won't it?"
"No it probably won't, you little moron. It's in the DNA. Some of them are likely to pass it on to their own kids. I just hope it has no worse effects."
Ed heaved a heavy sigh.
"Oh well. There's no point delaying. Pass me the 'phone Charlie. I'll start with the university."
