Random Animals

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A Tardis flying through a time tunnel.

The Post Doctor Who Fanfic Competition

Random Animals by Terran

Sarah-Jane looked at the sign. It read 'What does a flashing blue light mean to you?' Sarah pondered this for a moment, and underneath it said 'it means 25% off drinks! At the Blue bar. Every Friday night, when the blue light flashes you get 25% off all drinks.' In the background she could hear the Doctor saying something.

'Sarah Jane, are you listening to me? Where is the zebra?', said the Doctor.

'Me? Of all the inconsiderate... You were the one trying to find the zebra! You told me to keep hold of this box, and in your own words: "under no circumstances let anyone open that box. Never take your eyes off it!” '

'Well I can’t remember everything!', said the Doctor trying to fling his ridiculously long scarf around his neck.

'You can’t remember everything? You’re a Time Lord! I thought you were supposed to be all powerful or something.' said Sarah.

'No one is all powerful Sarah. I mean I am brilliant of course. That’s a given. But no one should be all powerful,' stated the Doctor.

Sarah sighed. 'Okay, you’re not all powerful. But surely you can keep track of a zebra?'

The Doctor stared into the distance in a slightly unnecessarily dramatic manner. 'Not when someone or something is flinging random animals throughout history. Have you ever considered the effect a random Zebra could have if it was thrown back to the time of the dinosaurs?'

Sarah had to grin at this. 'I can’t say it’s something that regularly crosses my mind.'

'Well it should,' continued the Doctor. 'I mean, imagine.' Sarah slightly comically closed her eyes, over-exaggerating her squinting. The Doctor noticed this and frowned. 'I’m serious', he said.

Sarah took the expression off her face, 'Sorry, go on.'

'Think of it, a world where evolution was sped up millions of years. Or worse.' Stated the Doctor.

'Worse?' Enquired Sarah.

'Yes, the effect on the development of history is unpredictable at best. It could cause humanity to cease to exist.'

Cease to exist? But that’s horrible. You must be able to stop it. Billions of people would die.' Said Sarah.

'But also Trillions of animals would live.'

Sarah seemed aghast. 'What? You would let the human race die?'

'Well, no. Of course not. But every choice has a trillion repercussions. And I can see it all Sarah. There are possibilities out there Sarah, where horses inherited the Earth. Just as intelligent, and capable of good and evil as human beings. Just imagine it.'

Sarah raised her eyebrows. 'My eyes are crossing just thinking about it. But really Doctor, if it’s as dangerous as you say it is why would anyone mess around with time?'

The Doctor considered for a moment. 'I do Sarah.'

'But you stop these people. You save people, you don’t wipe people out.'

'I could have done it with the Daleks. You wanted me to wipe out the Daleks.' Said the Doctor solemnly.

'But that was different. You can’t compare the Daleks with the human race!' Sarah said aghast.

'Oh, can’t I?'

'No, you can’t!' Said Sarah.

'You’re telling me that the human race has never tried to wipe out others?'

'Some humans maybe. But we don’t go around exterminating everything in sight. Do you think I could do that?' said Sarah emotionally.

The Doctor stopped, and looked at Sarah. A grin spread across his face. 'Of course not. But do you see what I have to think about? What’s going through my head all the time? The whole of time and space. My people very early realised the danger of introducing foreign objects into the past.'

Sarah looked confused. 'So why do you risk it? I mean why are we here if the slightest thing could cause the horse people to overwrite the human race?'

The Doctor looked up. 'Because there are dangers out there that needs to be stopped. Because if I didn’t there would be no one to stop the very thing we’re trying to stop now. And if we didn’t, you wouldn’t be here to worry about whether the horse race could exist, they’d already be eating hay at the ape-shoe on the corner of Downing street.'

'I’m glad I didn’t pack my saddle then. I certainly don’t want to go horse riding after that!' stated Sarah.

The Doctor grinned at her. 'Come on.'

A few moments later they came across a zebra. 'Here he is!' Said Sarah. 'He doesn’t seem to have been effected.'

'No... hmm... Open the box Sarah,' said the Doctor.

'Are you sure?' Replied Sarah.

The Doctor looked sternly at the box. 'Absolutely.' He said.

'Okay,' said Sarah lifting the lid of the box.

As she lifted the lid, the Doctor put his hand in the box. She held her breath as she waited for what lay in wait.

The Doctor pulled out a sandwich. Sarah was in shock. She looked directly in to the box. Inside was a paper plate, with indications that it had been previously underneath a sandwich, of ham persuasion.

Sarah was furious. 'You made me hold a box with nothing more dangerous than a ham sandwich, for more than an hour, making me think it could explode at any second?!'

'Well there was always the chance.' said the Doctor calmly, taking a bite of the sandwich.

Sarah rolled her eyes. 'I don’t believe it, I just don’t believe it!'

'You see that box was left outside the door of the TARDIS this morning. There were one of two things this could mean. And I didn’t know the answer until I opened the box.'

'And you couldn’t have done this sooner?' Asked Sarah.

'No, I had to see the zebra.' Said the Doctor.


'Because that meant that, evolution had taken its normal course. Both pigs and zebras existed.'

Sarah looked to the heavens. 'I’m lost.'

'I could tell by the fact that the zebra existed that mammals existed, and then from there I knew it was safe to open the box, and from there I could tell a) that pigs were still in existence and b) that humans had existed.'

'Well of course humans existed, because I’m here.'

'Well, yes, and no, Sarah. It was always possible you were a temporal anomaly, due to the complex flows of time. No, I needed a secondary source, and that came when I saw that someone had made a sandwich. Only humans do that.'

'Well I’m glad you’re happy. But I’m tired, and frustrated, and my head is about to explode, so Doctor can we please go back to the TARDIS, where I can have a nice bath?' Said an exasperated Sarah-Jane Smith.

'Of course.' The Doctor took a bite out of his sandwich. 'How would you like to see the Dinosaurs Sarah?'

Sarah looked at him, and shook her head. 'Sure, why not! But Doctor I still don’t understand. Who left that box?'

'Me,' said the Doctor with his mouth full.

'You?!' Said Sarah.

'Yes, I just haven’t got around to it yet.'

'I give up! Let’s go see the dinosaurs! But you’d better finish that sandwich before we arrive. I’m not going to spend the rest of my life cleaning up after the horse people!' Said Sarah.

The Doctor was about to reply, but grinned, and carried on walking back to the TARDIS with Sarah-Jane at his side.

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