Tea, the procurement of in foreign countries
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Can't be done. As the patron saint of The Guide, Dent Arthur Dent found, even asking for a decent cup of tea will cause immense problems, offence, and possibly even war.
While the essential ingredients remain the same, any cup of tea brewed outside the British Isles will always taste exactly like it has been strained through a pair of old sandals, NO MATTER HOW MUCH SUGAR YOU ADD.
Exhaustive research by this contributor in Europe, North America, Africa and the Far East has found that even if you take your own tea, the mere act of carrying it through any airport customs hall will make any brew undrinkable.
The basic ingredients :
1. Tea : While you may even recognise some of the brands on offer, the tea in many foriegn countries is obviously the stuff that's left over after all the UK orders have been dealt with. Even asking for tea in many parts of the United States will have you run out of town.
2. Water : As everybody knows, it tastes different. Even the bottled stuff. Once boiled it takes on a life of its own and will even spontaneously become coffee without human intervention of any kind whatsoever.
3. Milk : What do the cows eat in Europe ? Spanish milk, in particular tastes like nothing on Earth, and will paste your tongue to the roof of your mouth for whole days at a time. Added to carefully brewed tea, the net result is something that can be carried home in a paper bag.
4. Sugar : Normally a cardinal sin in any cup of Earl Grey brewed on these shores, but at least four tablespoons are required to even begin to hide the taste of anything served south of Dover.
My advice to any traveller who would like a proper home-brewed cup of tea whilst abroad : drink coffee, be patient, wait until you get home.
While the essential ingredients remain the same, any cup of tea brewed outside the British Isles will always taste exactly like it has been strained through a pair of old sandals, NO MATTER HOW MUCH SUGAR YOU ADD.
Exhaustive research by this contributor in Europe, North America, Africa and the Far East has found that even if you take your own tea, the mere act of carrying it through any airport customs hall will make any brew undrinkable.
The basic ingredients :
1. Tea : While you may even recognise some of the brands on offer, the tea in many foriegn countries is obviously the stuff that's left over after all the UK orders have been dealt with. Even asking for tea in many parts of the United States will have you run out of town.
2. Water : As everybody knows, it tastes different. Even the bottled stuff. Once boiled it takes on a life of its own and will even spontaneously become coffee without human intervention of any kind whatsoever.
3. Milk : What do the cows eat in Europe ? Spanish milk, in particular tastes like nothing on Earth, and will paste your tongue to the roof of your mouth for whole days at a time. Added to carefully brewed tea, the net result is something that can be carried home in a paper bag.
4. Sugar : Normally a cardinal sin in any cup of Earl Grey brewed on these shores, but at least four tablespoons are required to even begin to hide the taste of anything served south of Dover.
My advice to any traveller who would like a proper home-brewed cup of tea whilst abroad : drink coffee, be patient, wait until you get home.
