h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hahaha! I take it you're not a fan. Aren't computers usually about processing information. By the sound of it, she is more likely an appliance of some kind.

Exactly. You've got it. Britney's a toaster! She e-mailed me today y'know. Cuz I e-mailed her.

Did she have anything to say? Or was it just bubbles?

Bubbles? No. This is what she said:- Sorry I've been such a slacker in the e-mail dept. I've been crazy
busy trying to get back on track after my knee surgery. I want to thank
everyone for the cards, flowers, & well wishes.

My first trip was to Japan. I've never been to Japan before and was
amazed by the beauty. Everyone was so kind and gracious. I did 2 TV shows
& lots of promotion in Tokyo, then took the "Bullet Train" to Osaka for
more promotion. I was still in rehabilitation for my knee so my physical
therapist Elaine traveled with us. I tried to get a work-out in everyday!
It sure paid off because my knee feels much better now.

After Japan I went to LA and did the Jay Leno show! He was so cool
and even asked me to sit and talk (which isn't usually done with the musical
guests)! I felt so proud!

I have just finished up 3 weekends at Disney World in Orlando. I
did the Disney Grad Nites. It's when seniors from all over the US come to
Orlando and Disney lets them have free use of the park from 11pm to 5am. I
performed at 11pm and again at 1am. I got a really good response from the
seniors and Disney took such good care of us. Also - the stage was at
Cinderella's castle & I thought that was so cool!

In between my Grad Nites - I flew out to Monaco to do "...Baby One
More Time" on the World Music Awards which airs on May 20th on ABC. Monaco
was so warm & tropical & BEAUTIFUL!! I got a glimpse of Cher, Ricky Martin,
Janet Jackson, Jennifer Page, Will Smith & Jada, The Corr's & many others!
Everyone dressed up beautifully and I felt like such a princess!

Now I'm in NY - working with the producer of "You Drive Me Crazy" to
get it ready to be the third single. Its gonna be so Fierce!! I love the
tempo change & can't wait for all of you to hear it! I don't think it will
be out until late summer-early fall.

Coming up in the next few weeks is the Rosie show and my first time
on David Letterman. After that - more European promo & then settling down
for total tour rehearsal in Orlando. Me and 6 dancers will have about 3
weeks to get this show together with choreography and lots of energy! I'm
most excited about this tour! I think I'm going to do an hour plus show for
about 10 weeks! Performing is my first love!

OK - I've got you caught up in my crazy schedule! Again - please
forgive my slacking! I think of you often and know I'd be nothing without
your love & support!

Thanks and keep listening!

Brit

That's a pretty substantial reply. I know who she is now. I've seen her in a video with some menacing looking schoolgirls.

Well, she sent that reply to everyone who's ever e-mailed her in the last six months. That's right, the schoolgirls. She's the one with the little fluffy hair bobbles and plaits, who sticks her tongue right out of her mouth to say "L".

I suspect that the lyrics to a lot of songs featured as videos are written for the suggestive mouth shots.

Oh, I think it looks really stupid. Everyone makes fun of it. I have an anti-Britney website (for a joke. I don't mind her that much really!) and I have really funny pix on it!

I wish I could do back flips like she does. Was the knee op she had to replace a screw that went missing from her exo-skeletal frame (ie her robot body)?

Hey, back flips are easy. Anyway, hers aren't that good. She bends her legs and doesn't point her toes, and she doesn't go back far enough. But the worst celebrity back flips I've ever seen (incidentally most gym-type people call them "flics" - it's easier) are by Sporty Spice. Shudder! And her knee - that was an excuse to get a boob job!

I tried doing gymnastics once. However, I'm not the most supple person in the world, nor the most graceful. My backward rolls were *terrible*. I did trampolining as well for a bit, but I always used to get a nasty stitch which left me crippled for a few minutes afterwards. I wasn't meant to be an athelete I guess.

I suspect her knee troubles aren't due to dancing or gymnastics, but rather from some sort of act that required her to spend quite a bit of time on her knees. It's the only way I can think of that she could have gotten that job.

I think that sounds about right. After all, does anyone really believe that she got that job for her singing talent?

Her latest dirge proves that she has a total lack of talent. She is easy on the eyes but that makes no difference when you are bombing up the motorway listening to the radio. As for the boob job - what can I say? I am all for people trying to improve themselves. Going down the gym, the odd bit of surgery, or in my case - buying baggier clothes.

CF

PS. Good to hear that Britney's #1 fan is still dedicating so much time to her

Is it just me, or do all of Britney's songs sound the same? Correction. There are the growly bass kind and the whiny slow ones. But all of them fit into one of those categories.

Wow certainly a very busy girl, my condolences you probably never get time to have much of a personal life. Keep your chin up and ignore all the nay sayers, their just jealous. I am not sure If I have realy followed too much of your music to be honest but you have a good sound from what I have heard.

Au Revoir

Ms Spear's age ( or lack therof ) proved once and for all that there isn't actually anything wrong with the male obession with girl's school uniforms ( no, bear with me - ). The catch is that the girl involved has to be clearly far too old to wear it. The problem with B.S is that she very nearly wasn't.

I will now incur your wrath: But she has such nice breasts.
And the girls in my class like to dance to her music: jumping up and down, tiny tops. Anyway. Sorry

Indeed young Ms. Spears is a robot, or, in the very least, a cyborg of some kind. Think about it: she operates mostly under Disney, Inc.'s jurisdiction, and given Disney's expertise in the field of animatronics (deomonstrated by Pirates of the Carribean, for example), it's not difficult to see that Britney Spears is, in fact, little more than self-sufficient robot. And take a guess at where her dual-processors are stored.

Too bad she didn't come equipped with a Pentium