The Pythonists' Stream of...Consciousness
Created | Updated Nov 6, 2004
The Pythonists' Stream of...Consciousness:A story
The tall, slightly dapper gentleman raised his hat, exposing a hedgehog worn as a toupee. "Dinsdale" said the hedgehog and the gentlaman gestured to
the Frenchman who was not appearing in this thread but was drinking a glass of
Watney's Red Barrel following a serious injury in the fish slapping dance because he didn't
miss the lock at his turn. Fortunate he knew how to
spell "insane" because a guy just came up to him and told him that if he could spell "insane" that he would recieve a million
tons of top quality horse manure in his living room; a prize for
miss the lock at his turn. Fortunate he knew how to
diagnose deja vu...the only problem was that it kept
repeating on him like a bad curry. "Speaking of lemon curry", said the hedgehog to the Frenchman, who was concentrating on
the little ants scurying accross the floor in a line. He notice a blue one. Then a red one. Then he saw one that was carrying
on a conversation with a badger via email, it turned out
the badger thought the ant was a half-bee because the ant
was pretending to be a elephant in a rather bad antelope costume. The badger
however was planning to assassinate the ant because he fears half bees ever since an incident involving
the 7:15 from Doncaster. The lady working in the buffet car
spilt hot coffie on his
son who was traveling with him. The son was rushed to hospital in
time for the badger to see neighbours. It was quite a dull episode with only one
keg of
to go around. This left everyone in ahaze, as they were so used to drinking they did not know what to do without it. They've been walking around all day like people lost in a fog, saying 'hello, nice to meet you!' to the same person over and over again, but the cats were still on the roof no matter where you looked. Suddenly, a small girl stood up on the white picket fence and cried 'I can see the sun!', to which her mother responded
Gee Golly...what's that up in the sky...why it looks like a
giant flying gerbil. Thus saying she ran for cover under a
a passing flamingo, who was in town for the snail illuminating convention as a guest speaker. The little girl thanked the flamingo politely for sheltering her from the aeronautic rodent and adjusting her sporran bonnet moved on in search of
The Hole in Her Cup. She was supprised when she found
the hole had been created by the extremely strong alchohol she had been drinking, which was odd since she was
totaly tee total. Not only had it burnt a hole in her cup, but it had, also, dripped through and burnt a hole in
One of her lovely new pair of prada shoes and started to burn her feet. Angrily, she
span around quickly while patting her head with her left hand, and with the right hand juggled an elephant, an oddly shaped apple, some broken china cups and a milk jug full of orange juice.The elephant
began to develop motion sickness and threw up all over
the chesterfield sofa. This annoyed the grannies
who were sitting on it at the time. In response they picked up their shotguns and
atempted to shoot the moon in order to win the game of Hearts they were playing. When this failed they cursed
the sky blue, which was strange as, normally, it's a sort of greeny-purple. "Wow," said one of them "Look at that blue
parrot. It's trying to ford that pine-tree." "Well at least it isn't part of flock of evil smelling budgies exiting toilets, infringing peoples personal privacy." said the old lady's companion. She turned, her piston engine falling from her shopping trolley. The engine struck
a chord and they all sang willy nilly. This ended up making every one feel very
rather tired and they all decided to do the hokey pokey to shake it all out. Unfortunatly they also shook out
20kg of coke, and were consequently arrested by a passing policeman. He brought them to
the police station, then quickly took the coke with them to the
sniffer dog, who is a junkie. However when they opened the bag they discovered it wasn't the drugs, but was instead
old laundry, which at that stage had developed a free will and therefore tried to escape. The dog chased it, but was quickly out of breath, so the officer had to go to the corner shop to buy some new breath before the chase could be continued. The laundry had been hiding on top of the refrigerator all that time, pretending to be a parrot, and once the officer and the dog were gone it quickly took over the armoury and made off to
liberate the cloths from the hamper. As the laundry aproached
it was surprised to be intercepted by an 5 year old with sticky fingers and melting chocolate. Trembling in terror of the mess that would be made of its dazzling whites it
foolishly agreed to swap one box of it's special biological powder for two big boxes of an ordinary brand. By the time it realised it's mistake it
It had been sucked into a washing machine to be washed with second rate powder, and to its horror in the washing maching with it was
what used to be a tennis ball, before the junky sniffing-dog had chewed it to death. Terrified of being in the same place with a dead tennis ball - as it is a known fact that they bring bad luck, especially when washed with second rate powder - the laundry gave a giant leap, and landed
the lunar module in the middle of a soccer game between the pyschiatrists against silly things and a bentwood hatstand. The hatstand was winning due to a large number of own goals by the pyschaitrists who were trying to build the self-esteem of their goals. The laundry, realising its mistake, quickly launched
into a solo rendition of I've Got You Babe. Every one was so impressed that the gave the laundry
A very large creamy soda. The laundry polietly turned the offer down, saying it was trying to cut down on tis liquid intake. This made everyone so mad they all started to
beat it like in piñata. Loose change began to fall out of the laundry, and a very stupid fat child began to eat it thinking that it was chocolate. This caused him to
jingle when he walked. "It's the real thing, the difference between butter and margarine", he sang. Meanwhile just out of sight the laundry conspired
with the former Soviet leaders in a plot to take over the world. The laundry agreed that the new Soviet Union could take Europe and North America, while the Soviets agreed that the laundry could take
a hike. The laundry was greatly offended by this and decided to
contact the penguin underground movement to enlist in their plan to take over the world by mentally enslaving professional tennis players who presented historical documentaries. The penguins were glad of the alliance and the plan seems to be working until the penguins started roosting on top of televisions and exploding. The laundry felt washed out, its desire for world domination appeared hopeless. It went into seclusion in a exclusive health spa and started
doing cross word puzzles and anagrams. He met a dude by the name of
yellow-hair-dryer-man, and the too of them began an elicit affair which ended three years later when they were arrested for cooking an omlette on a non-stick frying pan. Upon its release, the laundry
formally announced to dozens of television cameras that it is going to retire and spend some time with its family, and disappeared into the nearest laundromat, never to be seen again.
Or that is what everybody though, anyway, but the rest of the laundry's adventures will be told only later, because now we move on to Yellow-hair-drier-man, that is sitting at a kitchen table and staring at the ceiling. It might seem like he is just bored, and you may be wondering why we bothered to bring him back into the picture at all, but the truth is that something very very exciting and unexpected is about to happen, because on the ceiling is
a rapidly growing damp patch which signifies soon he will remember he left the bath running. Where it was running to however is unclear since
we are still in the kitchen, looking intently at Yello-hair-drier-man as he looks intently at the damp patch on the ceiling (he is actually trying to use telekinesis to make it go away but is failing rather misrably).
Suddenly, a thought comes into his head. It's a very nice thought about dolphins and swimming in the ocean and the day his ice cream fell in the sand so his parents got him another one, and he can't understand why he's thinking about all that until finally he realises he is knee-deep in water.
'The bath!' he shouts and hurries upstairs, only to find that the bath is gone and the pipes are pouring water at a rate that will leave him broke very fast. Looking out the window he can see the bath making its way down the road, to
the annoyance of the flocks of terns in the street. The bath was screaming "One good tern deserves another," as it wallowed on average down the middle of the median strip. This annoyed the terns as they were all single, and did not appreciate the bath rubbing it in. In fact the half terns were swooping the bath in an attempt to steer
the story back to the original frenchman. This however backfired as he caught and ate the turns before dissapearing into
a shrubery, were he was duly mugged by a man with an eye-patch, and hung up on a tree by the
the eye-patch. It was a police eye-patch and as well as tree-ing frenchmen, it was trained to assist pirates and bad guys from pioneer areas of western USA. The mugger aimed
