Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System

• 1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.
• 2. Hey folks, were going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.
• 3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airlines new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.
• 4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!
• 5. Ummmmmm....Sorry......(silence)
• 6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh....we have to go back ....we ..we ....uhhhhhh ....forgot something.....
• 7. I'm sure everyone noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now.
• 8. Fasten your seat belt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in the car)
• 9. This is your Captain speaking....these stupid planes are a lot different than the ships I'm used to.. so you'll have to give me some leeway...

• 10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched the in-flight movie.
• 11. We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and ... Oh noooooooo!!!!!..
• 12. Don't worry! That one is always on E...
• 13. Get the parachutes ready...
• 14. Drinks are on me...or I'll have what the Captain's having...
• 15. Hey capt'n take another hit man...