h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Acronyms -


BMC - Broke My Cherry

The Big O - Onerism

BTW - ‘Badgering’ the willy

LOL - Would you like ‘Love-On-Line’

Newbie - The ‘First’ Time

Sayings -


‘Celibate’ - An irrational state of mind.

‘Doing the Kit-Kat Shuffle’ - Obscure female version of the Big O

‘Hello, you must be a newbie’ - A coded response for ‘Fresh Meat’

‘Hung Like A horse’ - An allusion to the Male reproductive system, with the emphasis on ‘bulk’

‘Getting Laid’ - Attempting to get between an attractive person and a plush piece of axminster

‘Getting Lucky’ - The phrase to put a brave face on NOT getting lucky, yet again.

‘Oh! Misses Miggins, What a lovely bunch of coconuts you have’ - Allusion to nutrient rich plant by-product, being similar to a part of the female anatomy.

‘Scored!!!’ - An allusion to the secret art of Football, the theory goes that one might ‘get lucky’ if one wear around a sweaty jockstrap. (Universally condemned though by ‘Sex Therapists’)

‘Sex Therapist’ - Secular beings, who don’t participate if anything so sordid.

‘Shagadelic’ - A phrase denoting that you might be VERY popular around here.

‘What a lovely set of Melons’ - Allusions to round fruits being metaphorically similar to part of the female reproductive system

‘You don’t get many of them to a pound’ - Allusion to a certain part of the female reproductive organs, again...

Smilies -


- Although I’m wild, sexy & crazy. I’ve decided to ‘remain’ celibate for now, despite my eyes bulging so...

- ‘Scored...!!!’

- A coded signal that good hygiene, should be observed at all times...

- Despite my otherwise good looks, I can’t get ‘laid’ because of my off putting, nervous twitch

- The guaranteed conclusion to a night, without the help of Heaven Sent’s services.

Please add your own to make the complete guide...

I'd love to but my boss won't let me

* God although incredibly busy, HE takes time out to query what on Earth Peta is doing in such a sleazy, low-down dive of an establishment *

Oh, I'm sorry about MY alter-ego, he really is incorrigable. Your probably here under the pretense of checking 'content'. Or you might, you could, oh no, surely not...

- Simply, Shocked.

ROFL - Really Obese Fat Loins.

SWF - Seldom Washes Feet.

SWM - Still W**ks Madly (a particularly obscene activity: only the terminally sad and single ever feel the need to 'Work')

GSOH - Got Several Offensive Habits.

IMHO - I'm Married, Hands Off.

HTTP - Has Tiny Toilet-Parts

ACDC - Am Completely Desperate Case (hence I don't care whether any prospective partner is male, female or Michael Portillo).

I hasten to add that none of the above apply to my good self.

But I'm working on it.