h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Yo-Yo Ma - Cellist - A30962270
Author: janexxx - U5052548

Another rescue from the Flea market I have reworked.

Looking forward to your comments

Nice bit of trivia Yo-Yo Ma appeared as himself in the Season Two West Wing episode Noel where he is giving a recital to fictional President Bartlett

I think the opening sentence could be improved by swapping the name and the fame around thus:

<>

October 7 1955 --> 7 October, 1955 (House style)
when he was 7 --> when he was seven (House style again)
Footnotes 2 and 3 need full stops at the end

I think if you dig around a bit, you'll find quite a bit more that can be added to this entry. A good start but IMO it needs a bit more substance.

Thanks

Great feedback , I'll and do those tweaks directly

Can you give me some pointers about 'more substance' as in the kind of things you would be expecting to see here. I can certainly do some more research if you feel it needs it but things like discography (fr'instance) soon go out of date.

Are you thinking things like trivia stories (such as the TV appearance above, and the time he left his priceless cello in a cab but miraculously got it back)?

Busy at the moment, but I'll try to get back to you in the couple of days

On reflection, and a second read, I think it would be quite difficult to expand it slightly, without expanding it greatly, which would rather defeat the object.

So I'd say it's ok as it stands

Thanx that's great

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