h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* There a fewer odder places in Heaven than the Babe’s Heavenly Beauty Salon… *

* As part of their impossibly high standards the Guardian Angels keep they make sure every detail of their appearance is maintain to perfection, whether it be from their finely sculptured wings, finely manicured nails, or indeed as with Saint Seven Of Nine, her diodes are sparkling clean… *

* The chief technician in this whole operation is the new Archangel Galaxy Babe, who is at present fussing around the growling Saint Wilson Brown Bear who is simply depressed at the thought of ‘gentle tinted highlights’ to his luxurious brown fur she is insisting upon… *

* The Saint Lizard Prince is heavily investing in the maxim that ‘more is less’ in the application of black eyeliner. Over in the far corner Saint M’niki is busily giving Saint Agony Aunt a full make-over, which almost invariably ends up looking like a Liz Taylor… *

* Saint JimmieJaz meanwhile sits clutching Saint Courtney’s hand consoling her that Nadsat Fashion will DEFINITELY be all the rage this year, for sure… *

* Which is positively normal next to Saint Cloughie sitting beside ‘Rosebud’ the champion number one flying pig, decked out in rollers and a false eyelashes… *

* Nearby the pink monkey Saint LePerdyMonkee is busily showing Saint Angelwings how she wants look, exactly like Jennifer Aniston… *

* St.Peter emerges from the old fashion domed hair dryer in the corner, he stares at Saint Pegasus flicking her horses tail about under the next one along, double takes and then moves to the centre of the parlour… *

St.Peter – Now, I brought you here today in our quest to clean up our operations…

* He stares closely at the unshaven, sleeping Big ‘Evil’ Dan… *

Far too many Angels have been raiding the mini-bar on the flights to and from Earth to Heaven…

* He stares at Saint Redfish and lingers on a pause… *

…Drinking like a fish they say of some

* Saint Redfish stares into the middle distance… *

Well, we do have standards of behaviour !!!

Just last week, I had to send Archangel Zax into a detox center, and let me make it clear !!!

It might not be the last !!!

* He stares at Saint Dr John, who is too high to care what ‘the man’ has to say… *

Hopefully, these fine young saints might take the lead… J

* He ushers young Aunt B 93 forth… *

I hereby dub you Saint Aunt B 93 the Patron Saint of Painted Dolls !!!

May you go forth and care for all those who aspire to being Barbie, yet they invariably end up looking like painted Jezebels !!!

* A pair of sparkly wings and a day-glo halo appear as a golden sword goes dancing past… *

* Peter looks over to jfsjbb… *

I hereby dub you Saint JFSJBB the Patron Saint of Asymmetric Hydrochronology !!!

May you go forth and…

* St.Peter pauses to collects his thoughts, none occur… *

Well, I’m sure you have already got the hang of it…

* He waves the sword and some white wings and a silver halo spring from impossibility to probability… *

* He hurriedly turns to Hezher to ward off showing his ignorance… J *

I hereby dub you Saint Hezher the Patron Saint of Chocoholics !!!

May you go forth and lead by example that one can abstain from eating such delights entirely !!!

* Peter sees the young girl frown and start to well up, he then leans in and says quietly and kindly… *

Well, at least try… J

* He waves the sword and a fetching set of brown wings and eatable, replenishing, chocolate halo appear… *

* It’s about this time Saint Girleight staggers past carrying some of Saint William’s steaming hot tea, which Peter hurries away from because of bitter previous experience with the Patron Saint of the Accident Prone… *

Hey, GB. Do you do hair colouring?!? If so, can you make mine green on one side and purple on the other?!?

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JOTD: Living in Hollywood is like living in a bowl of granola. What ain't fruits and nuts is flakes.

*Bob Walks in and looks arround*
what no bar heven has finally got a place that is alchahol free this is not possible.
*creats a Bar*
thts better

Are there any Angels looking for something to do?
Please go greet some newcomers?
I am having to retire early with bad wrist strain, I've done the late activated pages and the first 2 blocks of ten newcomers.
Please remember to type 3 dots after your welcome...
not my idea, vegiman's request.
Unless you're an ACE & an Angel, in which case just type 2 dots.
Thanks....

dam does that men I have to go back through all twenty and type Dots. I did not red that bit

The newbie's have all been greeted
Now I can rest my wrist.
Any Angels need help?
Or their wings brushing & fluffing?

Are you going to answer my Q about hair colouring?!?

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JOTD: Unix, MS-DOS and Windows NT (also known as the Good, the Bad and the Ugly)

Have you looked in a mirror lately, Jester?
I already did it

Please read the ATTENTION ANGELS thread

Thanx. You must have done it while I was asleep

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JOTD: Feel disillusioned? I've got some great new illusions, right here!

*takes a look around*

Sure is quiet in here.

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JOTD: For a REAL sponge cake, BORROW all the ingredients

*brushes & fluffs wings*
Jester, why haven't you posted at the Caption Competition?

Because I hadn't heard of it until about half an hour ago.

JOTD: You buttered your bread, now lie in it.