The basic guide to emo kids
Created | Updated Sep 25, 2004
A huge if not very whiny craze is obviously sweeping over the United States and it goes by the name of "emo"
This guide has been created to teach you the difference between different kinds of emo and how to protect yourself from falling prey to their whiny kind of angry tactics.
1. The Cutter
The first type of emo kid goes by the name of "the cutter" this person gets very irate over seemingly small things blows them out of proportion and then "attempts" to kill himself by cutting his wrist THE WRONG WAY so as to leave a very obvious scar on his wrist letting everyone know that he's hardcore and I'd better not mess with him or he'll cut himself, that'll teach me. The Cutter is not to be taken to seriously and relishes attention about his "attempted" suicides so don't let him have any glory lest he catch you off gaurd and make you one of his emo friends who cuts his wrist when you get yelled at by your parents.
2. The tortured artist
The tortured artist laments over tragedies of his youth and likes to make songs/poems about it. the poem may start out singing about how cool it was hanging out at the beach until you came along and I hate you and I really wish you'd die...mom. Other songs talk about how much of a whore my girlfriend is, or how sad it is that my cell phone got run over by a bus and now I can't talk to my girlfriend through text messaging and she's breaking up with me 'cus she thinks I'm a slut and that makes me sad. In fact, a lot of things make the tortured artist sad. That is what the tortured artist thrives on, sadness, without this artistic fuel there would be nothing to lament and the songs may have to become either a) old school rock angry or b)genuinely creative and cheery. Neither of these options appeal to the tortured artist and so he must mope in his sorrow
3. the screamo kid
The screamo kid is too hardcore to either cut or lament in sorrow and switches instead to getting really angry very quickly and then backing down equally fast to go sulk about how much people suck. when confronted with a screamo kid the important thing is to seem bigger than him, this shouldn't be hard. Just straighten your back and say something like "go away, nobody likes your online journal anyway" or "go away, nobody thinks your interperative dance is cool anyway" they'll back off in seconds. A screamo kid is likely to carry a knife around, this is only for show. Whatever you do, do not take getting knifed by a screamo kid seriously, this is a fatal mistake. Should the screamo kid think he has the advantage he may try to bluff and be really hardcore and lunge at you with his knife. At this point you will want to kick his ass, this is where it becomes fatal. After kicking his ass he screams and whines so much that nobody thinks he could possibly have tried attacking somebody, this is the part where you get booked for physical assault against a whiny girl When confronted with a screamo knife kid it is best to laugh at him and make one of the afore mentioned insults, the emo kid will go away and you will go back to being cool and unhassled.
There are more varieties of emo kids out there so don't be surprised if you see some whiny young punk wearing girls pants and crying about being grounded by his parents so he can't go to the big emo show. If you are assaulted by an emo kid be assured, this is a faux emo kid and should have his ass kicked immediately for imitating something so lame.
Clothing:
The emo boy likes to dress as though he were a girl. Common fashions include womens jeans the emo "hair slope" where hair goes over one eye and leaves the other sad eye exposed. Often times the hair is streaked red or blonde with the majority of the hair died black. The emo girl wears whatever she can find that may be non-conformist and completely the same with whatever emo girls are walking around sad and scarred. Emo girls wear lots of fashionable bracelets and sad hair.
The Lifestyle:
For the most part emo kids spend their time on internet journals such as livejournal.com or xanga.com so they can complain about how much they hate their mothers. This is annoying as hell, if you ever find a way to blow up xanga, please do it for the good of everyone. The rest of the time emo kids are making up poems or core dancing at hardcore emo shows. Core dancing is walking around in a circle until the hardcore music becomes really heavy and then swinging your fists and feet around as though trying to kick someones ass.
The Disclaimer:
All emo kids suck. Period. Except for a few, they are the exception. but besides them, that's it.
This guide has been created to teach you the difference between different kinds of emo and how to protect yourself from falling prey to their whiny kind of angry tactics.
1. The Cutter
The first type of emo kid goes by the name of "the cutter" this person gets very irate over seemingly small things blows them out of proportion and then "attempts" to kill himself by cutting his wrist THE WRONG WAY so as to leave a very obvious scar on his wrist letting everyone know that he's hardcore and I'd better not mess with him or he'll cut himself, that'll teach me. The Cutter is not to be taken to seriously and relishes attention about his "attempted" suicides so don't let him have any glory lest he catch you off gaurd and make you one of his emo friends who cuts his wrist when you get yelled at by your parents.
2. The tortured artist
The tortured artist laments over tragedies of his youth and likes to make songs/poems about it. the poem may start out singing about how cool it was hanging out at the beach until you came along and I hate you and I really wish you'd die...mom. Other songs talk about how much of a whore my girlfriend is, or how sad it is that my cell phone got run over by a bus and now I can't talk to my girlfriend through text messaging and she's breaking up with me 'cus she thinks I'm a slut and that makes me sad. In fact, a lot of things make the tortured artist sad. That is what the tortured artist thrives on, sadness, without this artistic fuel there would be nothing to lament and the songs may have to become either a) old school rock angry or b)genuinely creative and cheery. Neither of these options appeal to the tortured artist and so he must mope in his sorrow
3. the screamo kid
The screamo kid is too hardcore to either cut or lament in sorrow and switches instead to getting really angry very quickly and then backing down equally fast to go sulk about how much people suck. when confronted with a screamo kid the important thing is to seem bigger than him, this shouldn't be hard. Just straighten your back and say something like "go away, nobody likes your online journal anyway" or "go away, nobody thinks your interperative dance is cool anyway" they'll back off in seconds. A screamo kid is likely to carry a knife around, this is only for show. Whatever you do, do not take getting knifed by a screamo kid seriously, this is a fatal mistake. Should the screamo kid think he has the advantage he may try to bluff and be really hardcore and lunge at you with his knife. At this point you will want to kick his ass, this is where it becomes fatal. After kicking his ass he screams and whines so much that nobody thinks he could possibly have tried attacking somebody, this is the part where you get booked for physical assault against a whiny girl When confronted with a screamo knife kid it is best to laugh at him and make one of the afore mentioned insults, the emo kid will go away and you will go back to being cool and unhassled.
There are more varieties of emo kids out there so don't be surprised if you see some whiny young punk wearing girls pants and crying about being grounded by his parents so he can't go to the big emo show. If you are assaulted by an emo kid be assured, this is a faux emo kid and should have his ass kicked immediately for imitating something so lame.
Clothing:
The emo boy likes to dress as though he were a girl. Common fashions include womens jeans the emo "hair slope" where hair goes over one eye and leaves the other sad eye exposed. Often times the hair is streaked red or blonde with the majority of the hair died black. The emo girl wears whatever she can find that may be non-conformist and completely the same with whatever emo girls are walking around sad and scarred. Emo girls wear lots of fashionable bracelets and sad hair.
The Lifestyle:
For the most part emo kids spend their time on internet journals such as livejournal.com or xanga.com so they can complain about how much they hate their mothers. This is annoying as hell, if you ever find a way to blow up xanga, please do it for the good of everyone. The rest of the time emo kids are making up poems or core dancing at hardcore emo shows. Core dancing is walking around in a circle until the hardcore music becomes really heavy and then swinging your fists and feet around as though trying to kick someones ass.
The Disclaimer:
All emo kids suck. Period. Except for a few, they are the exception. but besides them, that's it.
