h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Someone's gotta go out and buy the snacks! ::Cheese raises hand:: I will! I will! Please?

Tell you what, Cheese, why don't you do it?

Need some Cheese sticks.

Mmmm, and some Mini Cheddars.

Can I get some cheesy wotsits?

Some of that light, white creamy cheese. I like a grape slit almost in half with some of that Philathingummybob inside it.
*dribbles*
Sorry
*mops chin*

Vestie are you going to help us organise this party? Or just sit there and eat grapes?

*thinks: Organise party... Eat grapes... organise party... eat grapes... organise party...*
How soon do you need the answer?

well if you do help then I will make you a referenced researcher on the page?

*runs around manfully toting barges and lifting bales*
Right hand down a bit mate!
*Pantechnicon full of industrial strength party snacks reverses into Aitchtu Jeetu front room*
I'll hand out the shovels.
Nut based nibbles to the left, crunchy corn snacks to the centre, spuddish savouries to the right.
We need more empty margarine tubs to put this lot in!

*speaking loudly into mobile phone*

Hello is that the Snack Exchange? Yes this is a snack emergency! We've only got eleven days left to totally equip ourselves with high fat but scrummy foods. Buy, buy, buy! Bye-bye!

How'm I doing Abi?

I am off to do it now!

Amazing there has just been a sharp upturn in Snack futures. We may counter the dotcom slide if we keep Buying. Buy, buy, buy. Bye-bye.

*mobile phoning*
Hello - yes! Is that the Potato Marketing Board? I need help. Bring the spuds, NOW! What... don't be silly... speak after what tone?.. Why are you playing me Greensleeves? D'oh.
*noise of LOTS of numbers being punched in*
Hello is that America? Right send over two container ships full of assorted munchies. We're having a PARTY! What... Insert how much? What do you think I am, made of money? D'oh.
*Even more numbers*
Hello President Putin? The Americans have let me down. You can steal a march on them. Send me all your wheaty snacks in a very big cardboard box marked top secret. What? Chernobyl Cheery Chunks! Sounds OK to me. It's urgent. What? November! Forget it.

Don't worry Abi - everything is under control.

*breathes a sigh of relief*

*throws a bag of Mini Cheddars down on the table*
Well, I'm no superhero...

*taps more numbers into phone*
Hello. Yes, it's me. No, I don't know where your socks are. Listen! This is important! Look in the cupboard next to the fridge. Have we got any crisps or anything?
*hums tunelessly while waiting*
Hello, yes I'm still here... what?! You must be joking! What flavour are they? Rhubarb and Vinegar! They'll do. Can you bring them round? No, I'm not joking. Yes, now! We've only got eleven days.
WHAT! In seven days they'll be past their sell by date?
What's eleven take away seven? Six.
What am I worrying about? Nobody will see the pack when we tip them into the margarine container.
See you soon

*Cheese comes in carrying 17 bags of assorted potato chips*

Now, it's a PARTY!

Hi Cheese. I was just wondering whether I could carry some of those packets for you. Say 16 of them?

Great work guys!

I bet you know what I am going to say next:

It is now only three days til the virtual party (yippee!) and many thanks to all
those of you who have helped us prepare but now we need your help. I am about to
build the virtual party page and we want you to build pages that we can link to
it. I am going to build a greenhouse because that is where I am usually found
at parties (don't ask!). Please can you think of a room suitable for the party, build it
and give me the URL and I will advertise it on the Virtual Party Page! We need a
kitchen, a bar, disco....... we leave it up to you!