h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: The Events of the American Civil War - A2909784
Author: Jodan - Ohio history for 4200, Alex. - U201497

Hi all. This is part of a Civil War project being put into PR. Other entries are linked at the top of this entry.

I wrote all of this except for Gettysburg, which I stole from Jimi X with his permission.

This is an immense entry, actually trimmed down from a size larger than an entry I've ever seen here. Keep that in mind when you suggest additions

I'm always happy to see the errors of my ways and when I have omissions - though some battles had to be left out. It's a big war, after all.

Anyway, thanks.

What? Too long?

Wimps.

I've looked at this as far as the Peninsular Campaign. I'll try and read some more later.

Phrasing:

"The war made great leaders, deaths and more history than any other period in American history" -- does that mean great deaths, more deaths or just deaths?

"the conclusion that this would not be a short war set in" -- conclusions don't set in. You could say "it became evident that this would not be a short war".

"Of course, his initials were not originally USG. They were originally HUG, but he didn’t like those initials, so he changed them when he was younger." -- this is rather clumsy. You could say "Grant's initials at birth had been HUG, but he didn't like them. He changed his name to make his initials USG."

"which was a slave, but Union state." Technically this should be "which was a slave, but Union, state." but this looks bad. You could say "which was a slave state, despite remaining in the Union."

"However, some things happened." -- You don't say! Perhaps it would be better as "However, events overtook him."

"As the siege was about to reach a climax, Johnston suddenly withdrew. He tried to cut off Johnston," -- it's not clear who tried to cut off Johnston.

"It is possible that if Richmond were won (and it could have), the Civil War would be over. But it wasn’t, so it didn’t."-- this doesn't quite work. Firstly, the phrase in brackets should be "(and it could have been)". Secondly, you can't use "It didn't" with "the Civil War would be over". I think this should be "It is possible that if Richmond were won (and it could have been), the Civil War would have ended. But it wasn’t, so it didn’t."

Typos:

valiently --> valiantly
expanion --> expansion
known as the the 'Rebel Yell' --> known as the 'Rebel Yell'
they activated and march to attack --> they activated and marched to attack
vigourously --> vigorously
capitol of Richmond --> capital of Richmond
who knew that the size of the Confederate Peninsula army --> who knew the size of the Confederate Peninsula army
control of the of Confederate forces --> control of the Confederate forces
was not able to savage them --> was not able to salvage them
Peninsula campaign --> Peninsular campaign

done.

Reminding myself to proofread the rest of this later.

Reminding myself to get a lot of sleep and be well rested for when Gnomon remembers his reminder...

I've checked as far as Chancellorsville now.

Choice of words:

The result would be to satisfy certain Republicans who wanted the institution gone, hurt southern economic power and free slaves were able to serve in the Union army.
-->
The result would be to satisfy certain Republicans who wanted the institution gone and to hurt southern economic power. In addition, freed slaves would be able to serve in the Union army.

gave Lee a feeling as if he, and the Army of Northern Virginia was almost invincible -->
gave Lee the feeling that he and the Army of Northern Virginia were almost invincible


Typos and minor points:

were to unit under Pope --> were to unite under Pope
General Longstreet divide up --> General Longstreet, divide up
either ignored Longstreet’s troops or didn’t notice him --> either ignored Longstreet’s troops or didn’t notice them
He send waves --> He sent waves
Jackson was to capture Harper's Ferry --> Jackson was to capture Harpers Ferry
left behind at Harper’s Ferry --> left behind at Harpers Ferry
He issued it a preliminary statement --> He issued it in a preliminary statement
outmaneuver --> outmanoeuvre
because its attempts to cut off communication failed at first --> because the attempts to cut off communication failed at first

Content:

This entry needs a concluding paragraph. This can direct interested readers to the relevant section to learn about the end of the war.

but first attack the railroad line in between Jackson, Mississippi --> between Jackson and where?

Around 5:30 AM, the battle began, but the Confederates were heavily outnumbered and it ended. At 5:30 PM, 12 hours later, the Confederates began to retreat.
It ended? Of course the battle ended. Do you mean it ended 12 hours later? Then say it.

I think you could probably cut out the paragraph about Lincoln's "speach" at Gettysburg - it's not an event of the war. The entry is long enough as it is.

"Under Johnston, they hit Sherman on 19 March with all their available troops. They were able to hold their line that day and the next, and on 21 March launched a counterattack that forced Johnston to retreat." It's not clear who the "they" in the second sentence are.

h2g2 Style:

5:30 AM --> 5.30am
5:30 PM --> 5.30pm
7:00 AM --> 7.00am
9:00 AM --> 9.00am
10:00 AM --> 10.00am
the center --> the centre
2:00 AM --> 2.00am


Typos:

one of his more successful Generals --> one of his more successful generals
the city of Vicksburg was becoming wary of the siege --> the city of Vicksburg was becoming weary of the siege
Carisle -- should that be Carlisle?
from the field, however this was not the case --> from the field; however, this was not the case
believing that after hitting both flanks that Federal General --> believing that after hitting both flanks, Federal General
allowing the Southerns --> allowing the Southerners
Enrollment --> Enrolment
the Confederate capitol would likely fall --> the Confederate capital would likely fall
Chickahominy swamps --> Chickahominy swamps.
he Federal troops responded and fought back Lee --> he Federal troops responded and fought back against Lee
in order to win the war. --> in order to win the war..
one of the best known Generals --> one of the best known generals
and it sunk --> and it sank



I trust you'll do all those, because I am not going to read it again.

As it is now Thanksgiving I have managed to find time for sleep and am well rested enough to tackle these now. I'll be back when I've finished.

Done.

Hi Jodan,

In the footnotes I found this teeny error:

'...and he never correct the mistake'

I assume you mean 'corrected'?



Jules

Now, wouldn't it be funny if I never corrected the mistake?

No? Alright, well it's fixed anyway.

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