h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Helen Love – Bubblegum, punk pop, disco, don't stop! - A29035433
Author: boredlaura - 50000 words, 30 days, let's go! - U172849

Helen Love meet Peer Review.
Peer Review meet Helen Love.

I promised myself I wouldn't write any entries in November and instead concentrate on NaNoWriMo, but if what I hear is true there was a dearth of entries so I took a break from novelling to knock this one out. Please forgive any typos or grammar errors, I haven't properly proof read it yet.

Hi Laura

I don't know anything about the band, but this is entertaining and well-written and I enjoyed reading it.

Icy

...Forgot to say: I'd prefer it if you gave the surnames of the band members.

Icy

Icy,

Aside from the lead singer the band don't use their surnames and keep them private. In their website and liner notes and all that malarkey they're known only by their first names. Hence no surnames in the entry. I should probably add a wee nod to that fact.

laura. I've never heard of them, but I would like to give them a listen now.

Just a couple of points;

Pop a space after your footnote markers.

Sheena's brother posing cassette ---> I'm assuming that should be 'posting'?

I know they seem to be quite private but do you know what college Helen was at, what she was studying etc Do you have any biographical info on any of the band members? It doesn't matter if you don't but if you do...

Interesting about the 'girl power' malarky btw.

Mag

I think that's those changes made now.

This is a very good Entry about a band I've never heard of. I really like the style, it's nice and friendly and for the most part is easy to read. Good job!

The only stylistic point I'd mention is that you do seem to have a few very long sentences, which need to be broken up. For example:

'Despite their fervent fan base Helen Love have yet to bother the UK top 40 charts with their presence, despite having had their songs covered by high profile bands such as Ash, appearing in John Peel's Festive Fifty no less than three times and high profile fans such as Phil Jupitus and Dave Gorman using Helen Love songs as theme music for their radio and stand-up shows.'

There are three or four like this that you could make into two or more sentences, which would help the entry flow a little more.

Added a few more full stops to reduce sentence length. Does it flow any better now?

Much better - good job! Now all I have to do is go and listen to some of their music

Having checked out their music, Rich, I wouldn't bother Far too bubblegum - even for me!

The entry reads much better, though Good job!

Having had a quick snoop around YouTube, I have to agree that I'd probably like them a bit more if I were a slightly rebellious teenage girl. Still, if they came on the radio, I wouldn't turn them off

Yup, I agree there (I think I found their MySpace, or somesuch).

Doesn't detract from the entry, though, nice work, laura.

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