h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Milos-Minos....Krylma....

*Milos thinks for a moment, then scratches his head*

Milos-I think I've...I think I've heard the name Krylma before. It certainly sounds...I'm sure I've heard the name Krylma before, but I don't think I've ever called myself that.

*Yar's bizarre lie-detector power doesn't detect any bizarre lies*

[Yar considers this, and shrugs] Oh well. You in a particular hurry to get back to Earth? I mean ... I generally don't *do* time travel, so I'm not really interested in sticking around here.

Milos-No *real* hurry, though I'm trying to remain relatively unseen. I think I'm being followed. I can leave whenever you're ready.

*Among the constant feed of announcements over the PA system:*

[Cheery Voice]: The demonstration for Spishack, Inc.'s new product line will commence in just a few minutes, tee hee!

Hmm ..

[Yar briefly casts his senses out for any danger. After he is nearly overloaded by "high degree of danger to entire space-time continuum from all directions", he tries to search for any specific and immediate danger, to himself or to Milos, though detecting the latter would be a bit harder.]

Well, if you are in any kind of danger, I'll do my best to protect you, though, uh ... [looks around a bit] ... I hope we don't get into a fight here, I don't want to destroy time and space with collateral damage.

[He pauses at the announcement, and gestures with the brochure he caught from the apparition] Why don't we check out Spishack's new product line? Might as well at least look around for now.

Milos-Alright. It's probably wise to avoid destroying the spacetime continuum, though I hear it happens regularly at the tavern. ...and at the food court.



....*sigh* and at the post office...

Heh. [focuses a moment, and then starts walking towards the Spishack stuff.]

*Milos follows as well, coughing quiety to himself on occasion*

[On the way, they pass between two displays, evidently between competitors. One is for Aperture Science, displaying their Handheld Portal Device, which can open man-sized portals on flat surfaces; the other is for Black Mesa, displaying their Displacer, which can teleport the user to another dimension and also doubles as a weapon, though the focus seems primarily on the "weapon" bit.]

...

*burp?*

*The apparition drifts over to the Aperture Science booth and starts firing the portal gun in random directions.*

[The Aperture Science booth is being presided over by an AI, the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System, or GLaDOS, narrating obliviously at first.]

[GLaDOS] Thanks to the Ap-er-ture Sci-ence Hand-held Por-tal de-vice, the im-pos-si-ble is ea-sy -- [as the apparition starts messing with the portal gun] Hey! Stop! [with a sort of warpy effect] WhAt ArE yOu Do-InG!?

[A portal lands at Yar's feet. Before he can react, he falls through, and gets flung out the other end on a nearby wall.]

[Yar] [dusts himself off and looks around] ... I want one of those!

*Milos, having seen many similar jovial outbursts, continues towards Spishack's demonstration*

[Yar] [eyeing the price] ... but later. When I'm sure I can spare the money.

[He moves to follow Milos, pondering something.]

*Milos coughs again. He looks around to get his bearings, sees the Spishack, Inc. event's locale, and moves over to it*

[Yar follows, glancing over towards the vortex he arrived in, then gets out a notepad and starts drawing some diagrams in it.]


Er, I'm assuming the vortex is at least visible and goes both ways ...

*A strange figure scurries over to the Aperture Science booth, points at the apparition, and a transaction seems to take place. Incidentally, GLaDOS stops complaining, and starts trying to soothe everyone with promises of cake.*

*Meanwhile, the apparition drifts over to F8597954*

Kinda screwed up the link there. F8597954?thread=4781588

[A demonic creature resembling a Yeti with dragon wings and a devil-tail lumbers over to the Black Mesa display, with a sinister grin. Suddenly, a blue square portal appears on one side of the Yeti-demon, a green one appears facing it on the other side, and a figure resembling John Cleese zips out of the blue square on rocket skates, shoves a spoonful of ice cream into the demon's mouth, and shoots out through the green portal, both of which then vanish. This takes about 0.2 seconds. The demon stumbles, swallowing and clutching its mouth.]

[Yeti demon] Urgh! Tawh swa HTAT!?