Meet Mr Inquisitor [Redux]

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Meet Mr Inquisitor [Redux]

Hello fair Inquisitorites and Inquisitorettes, and welcome to this week's Redux. This week I ventured into the lair of a most dangerous subject. Every now and then there crops up a researcher, who for want of a better simile, is like marmite. You either love them or hate them. Moderators, Post Researchers, SubEditors, none are safe from this crazed man, to whom arguments are like oxygen. His very name is synonymous with fear, Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to face Asmodai Dark...

Well, seeing as you'll undoubtedly attempt to bring it up at some point1, I'm forgoing the first question to let you have 150 words to mention Tolkein, Jackson, Hobbits and Rings. Then we can start the interview properly...


Bah 150 words isn't enough! How am I supposed to talk about Liv Tyler as well as the rest in only 150 words! Hmmmm. Well, what can I say really that isn't too obvious to the world. Tolkien was a fantastic writer who created an entire world from scratch (well unless you want to trace language etc, in which case he made the books like Chaucer wrote the Canterbury Tales). No ginger and Irish stereotypes2 for him unlike some writers. What else? Ah Peter Jackson. Clever git he is. Can't wait to see King Kong when he's finished it, hopefully with help from Mr Serkis. Hobbits – well who'd thought the kid from Flipper could actually go on to do good. Then again I prefer Sean Austin to Elijah Wood. And with that I'll plug the Tolkien Film and Book Society that I set up awhile back before ROTK came out.

Right, now that's out of the way I can start with my random and controversial questioning, so who better to draw inspiration from than the controversial Morrissey? In an NME interview, he has been quoted as saying:

'It's the entire culture of so-called pop music and the assumption that all you have to do is stand there and smile and you're a pop idol. (Sighs in disgust) They are the aspects of modern society that scare me to death. They're worse than terrorists.'
when questioned on the state of popular music. Is the Mozzer right, or is there hope for decent music?

People are going to like what ever they want. Now most sane people will turn around and mutter something about sheep, but just leave people to it.

I mean, there's such a broad scope of music at the moment yet it just seems to fall into two groups. Half of it involves the pop idol generation and its tag-alongs and the other half is the rock stuff that you can't understand (well I can't anyhow). Give me a soundtrack and leave me be. Oh and I'd like to say damn to advertising ruining the Kill Bill soundtrack for me.

Well advertising interferes with most things nowadays, films, websites, Meet Mr Inqui…


…sitor. Anyway, time to get really controversial. You've got your fair share of detractors and snaf3 here on h2g2, and some people have referred to you in less than glowing terms. Do you think there's a reason for that? And do you have anything to say to the people in question (mentioning no names)?

There's only a few people really that refer to me in less then glowing terms? Hmmm can't mention names eh? Well without mentioning his name, he writes //CENSORED BY THE INQUISITION\\. He's the only person that really has a go at me4 and, well, I couldn't really be too fussed to be honest. I have a small group of friends on h2g2, and I'm quite happy with that. The godly being who haunts me is far above us lowly mortals and doesn't usually answer any questions whatsoever5, it gets quite frustrating at times.
What do I want to say to him? Well there's a question to ponder. Well it's nothing nice and nothing that can be said onsite, especially after what he said a few nights ago after 'yikes'ing my new RPG6. And he's still not having a cookie.

I won't ask about the cookies. I've got a feeling that it's too sordid for us 'mere mortals'. Anyway, I've got to ask a fight question™ now, because I'm too lazy to think of a deep and intellectual question. So here it is. Sean Bean as Sharpe (armed with a baker rifle and cavalry sword) in a duel to the death with Sean Bean as Boromir (armed with a sword, shield and that horn thingimibob).

Silly boy. Boromir. He gets shot in the chest three times, you really think a rifle's going to ruin his day?

Boromir – Three Arrows. Dies before the end of film one, or 10 pages into book two.

Sharpe – Floggings, pistol wounds to head, countless sword cuts, bullet wounds to shoulder and legs. Dies of Old Age after the books.

Plus, Sean played Sharpe first. If Boromir wins then Sean wouldn't be able to play Boromir as he'd be dead. Think more before you answer. So if you've finished with such foolishness I will move on to our question the next. If a religion is something that demands loyalty, renouncement of other deities and weekly worship at a sacred place, can football7 be counted as a religion?

By defining religion like that then yes, but religion's a person-to-person thing, so leave it to the individual.

If you define it as a faith of loyalty, then you're treading a fine line. I recently heard that a fanatic of the cult of football sold his ticket for a European Final, because he didn't have faith enough in believing that England could reach the final...

I heard that story too. Although he actually sold it due to not being able to afford both the final and a holiday with a friend. The fact that England look very likely to reach the final8 is complicating the issue somewhat. Time for a bit of self-promotion. Is there anything you're working on at the moment that you'd like to make known to the masses?

Ill say nothing more about the ticket subject... Well not yet anywho.

The major thing I'm working on (besides trying to get an entry on the Phalanx through peer review) is an RPG game called The Old Republic based on the Star Wars films and a few of the Star Wars games. Having only been working on it a few days its looking pretty good. There's a few planets up already, and by the time anyone reads this there should be plenty more.

Ok, topical Mancunian question. Given that it rains two out of three days here, do you think we'll ever evolve flippers?

Depends on how much the rain bothers people. Personally it's never bothered me. It's a lot better then the searing heat of foreign places anywho. Then again if I had flippers we could all live under the sea, so it does have so advantages.

Can't see many advantages in an aquatic life to be honest. Anyway, next question. 'It's not about the winning, it's about the taking part.' How far do you think that's true in your life and personality?

Depends what it's applied to really. I'm sure that the Germans didn't just think 'ah well, we lost the war, but we took part'. 'History is written by the victor' so the saying goes. Don't get me wrong, I admire people who want little from life. But in life I don't want to end up one of the multitudes of people wishing they could have done something else.

Hmm. In MMI I like to adopt the Basil Fawlty 'Don't mention the war' stance, seeing as that's 60 years in the past. However in modern times I know you have particular views on a war that's been happening in the Middle East. Were 'the Coalition' right to ignore the UN and invade Iraq?

Not really. It wasn't so much the fact that went against the UN exactly. Nations have always fought nations for one thing or another, that's not going to change at the drop of a treaty. America has power shortages and needs fossil fuels, so invading Iraq was understandable from that point of view.

But it's how they went about it that drove me mad. I mean, the British troops would surround cities and search each building for enemy troops and civilians. By doing this they could make sure the people not involved weren't hurt at all. The Americans used tanks. Many, many tanks (the most vivid image of an Iraqi that I can remember was American tanks rolling up to a clock tower. The single Iraqi soldier tried to defend himself with his rifle, but the tank shot him). It would have been better if they had worked slowly and more precisely. As it's happened they've brought a nation screaming and unstable into the fold where they hate Americans, and more then likely Brits as well.

Well, I hate to end on a bit of a downer, but we've run out of time with the exception of one last question. What's the most important thing you've learned through being a member of h2g2?

That the Internet is a vast resource if you're willing to use it (and if your PC is behaving nicely). Look at the Phalanx entry, I got about a hundred pages of research for writing that - and yet when it went to peer review people still had things to add. The Internet (and more specifically h2g2) doesn't sit still, and hopefully it never will.


Well, there you have it. Asmodai Dark. There are two more interviews in the works and, hopefully, they'll be appearing before I have August off to do a mini-European tour. Hopefully Awix will step into the breach again but, until then, I've been Mr Inquisitor. Bye bye now.

Meet Mr Inquisitor Archive


with Asmodai Dark

15.07.04 Front Page

Back Issue Page

1And people expect it from you...2No, just Nordic stereotypes and bits pinched from fairy tales. Psyc.3It's the opposite of fans. Fools.4Yeah, right. Mr I5Except for an appearance in this column. Mr I6RolePlay Game. Not Rocket-Propelled Grenade. Obviously. Mr I.7Saww-ker to our poor American cousins.8This part of the interview was conducted the day before the quarter final with Portugal. In retrospect I feel rather stupid. Mr I.

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