h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was under the mistaken impression that I would be exempt from such as I was getting all 4 out at once under general anesthesia. Count backwards from ten: "ten, nine, eig...." and wake up with a mouthfull of gauze... Very pleasant. The doctor just asked us (my little sister had two taken out at the same time as I did) to come back in a week for a check up. The pills they gave me worked wonders. I had no serious pain. All the better to soften me up for the terror I was about to experience.

All week long I felt a sharp protrusion coming from one of the empty spaces in my gum. Of course my tongue was as unable to stay away from it as a sailor from a bordello. Ok... finally the week is over time for our checkups. My little sis goes first. Into the chair, a few quick questions and manual probing of her mouth and DONE! That was easy. Ok my turn.

Dentist: "So have you had any discomfort?"

Me: "Well there is something sharp sticking through from my upper right."

Dentist (as he's sticking a gloved finger up there to feel it): "Oh well that would be a few shards of the tooth that I left in there to fill the hole in your jaw bone... Is this it?"

Me: Hyer nyeah 'ass i' (translation: um yes that is it).

Dentist: "Nurse hand me those forceps."

At this point he grabs hold of this previously tiny little splinter that has now become something the size of an iceberg and starts TWISTING AND YANKING AND OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS MAN DOING TO ME!!!!

Remember, he has given me no novocaine nor ANY warning!

At this point I sit bolt up right grabbing him by the smock and pulling him down to look dead into his eyes as I yell "STOP!"

Me: "I'm going to throw up."
Dentist: "No you're not."
Me: "Yes I am."
Dentist: "No, you are not, you can't... You're going into shock."

He says this as calmly as one would say "Our special today is the grilled salmon."

Me: "I'm what?"
Dentist: "You're blood pressure has just dropped through the floor, that's why you feel nauseous, but you are not going to throw up. Would you like some local anesthetic?"

Me(the sarcasm drips from every word): "Um, yeah... that might be a very good idea."


It later occured to me that this so-called maxiofacial surgeon was not used to dealing with concious patients. Either that or Sir Lawrence Olivier had hitherto unknown understudy for his 'Marathon Man' role.