Take it to the Max - Part 2
Created | Updated Jan 13, 2009
Take it to the Max!
Sunday morning. 6.45 a.m. And I'm picking up dog poo in the garden. In the rain. And you know, it doesn't annoy me at all! I suppose if I was the sort of person who really could not get out of bed at the weekends, and who really couldn't stand the smell of poop, and who didn't like being outside in all weathers, then I'd have concluded that owning a dog was not a good idea.
I think having brought up children helps. We do describe Max as 'our new baby', and whilst very aware that dogs are NOT children, there are a number of similarities. There's the sleepless nights for starters, wondering whether or not to respond to every cry or try to ignore it. There's the cleaning up after toilet habits - in fact, the whole training of toilet habits, and analysing consistency, frequency...you get the picture! Advice from books and other sources suggests using a word that your dog will understand and come to associate with what they coyly call "elimination". Some of the suggestions are a bit twee 'Clean! Be quick!'. I prefer to nod to my formative years and the after-school entertainment cult that was Bob Holness and Blockbusters, as I request 'Can I have a P please Max?'.
What goes in...
Which brings me to poop bags - my green credentials wince every time I use another piece of plastic to go into a landfill: the contents may bio-degrade, but not the sack itself. Is there an environmentally friendly alternative? We've got the frankly ridiculous situation now at Sainsbury's where I will bring and fill my re-usable canvas bags with the shopping - and then we'll grab a handful of the plastic bags for rubbish and poop.
Feeding
We changed his feed slightly from the one he'd been on at first: it's a good quality dry one, rather than cans of wet food. We had a nibble on a kibble just to see what they tasted like - stale twiglets, I reckoned. We watch his weight and agonise over whether he's getting enough to eat - you can see his ribs, but then, you're supposed to. One of the side benefits from this new feed is that the farts seem to be less smelly - honestly, there is nothing else in the world quite as rank as doggy fart. On his second visit to the vet for his booster jab, it transpired that he'd put on over 2 kilos in 3 weeks, so I guess we're feeding him OK.
Chastising
You know "Middle naming" - the practice of chastising especially children by using their full name, including any given middle names - see Joseph Francis Tribbiani! in Friends. In Max's case, if he's chewed the stair carpet again, or had a barking session at the cat, I turn to another telly icon, Harry Enfield, and yell sternly 'Oi! Maximillian! Naaaooohhh!' However, our doggie trainer pointed out that looking, touching and talking were all rewards for a dog. So when he puts his paws up on the sofa, grabbing his collar and pushing him off with a 'No!' isn't that effective, not matter how stern the tone of voice. Better to leave his lead on, and use that to guide him to the desired spot without any looking at or talking to. Note: do not leave a dog unsupervised with a lead on - it can get caught or tangled on something.
The hunt for the Maxicab
I must slap my forehead for effect at this point. I made the mistake of saying to Dai 'We'll have to think about how we're going to transport Max when he's a bit bigger', which of course his male ears heard as 'You get to buy a new car!' A friend of his is selling a jeep. Yes one of those nasty big ugly polluting Chelsea tractors. I have voiced my objections strongly to this monstrosity, but it still keeps appearing on the shortlist. I shall continue my protest.
All ears
But the best bit of puppydom is - like babies - snuggling against their soft heads. At times Max seems to be just a jumble of gangly legs and floppity ears, soft and smooth as velvet. I can't help but smile as he lies sleeping at my feet, those Bambi-esque legs twitching in some puppy dream, giving little muffled yelps, no doubt imagining he and the cat are frolicking paw in paw through some carpeted landscape full of shoes he's allowed to chew...
