You would think that God punished Adam and Eve by not inventing the


automobile for them.

Of course, there are those of us who believe that the other fellow

caused the auto to be created.

Modern autos are motorized wheelchairs, an armchair on wheels,

a home entertainment center of the road.

There are people who spend as much or more on automobiles during

their lives than they do on their homes.

Many of these speed demons and road warriors and commuter-kazis

spend more time thinking about their footware then they do about

their vehicles. If you've been paying attention, you know how

much attention they pay to their footware. They spend more time

choosing their breakfast cereals and television programs. So that

puts the vehicle far down on the list, somewhere around toothbrushes

in the personal scheme of things.

Some of these geniuses have no idea what tire pressure is. Some

of them have no idea how many cylinders their motor has. Some

of them have no idea why their vehicle is named what it is.

Most of them have no concept of the history of motoring and not

a clue what sort of infrastructure and support apparatus is

needed to help keep their driving life as smooth, lucrative (for others)

and marginally safe ¹ as modern technology and politics

can make it.


They just jump into the damned things, take off, and hope that

their warranty hasn't run out, or the gremlins aren't bored,

or that they can afford to trade this thing in and start paying

on another piece of machinery that they plan to ignore.

It is just a necessary convenience to them.

Suggest that they get off their ass and walk a bit to the nearest

store and they will look at you like you just killed their

favorite cockroach. The propaganda of the auto marketplace has

convinced them that only athletes and poor people ride on shanks

mare.

They believe that their time is too valuable and their clothes too

clean to be wasted and soiled by the plebian toil of actually

getting a little exercise somewhere outside of a mall.

They also use themselves as an excuse: there are too many cars

around and it's dangerous to walk, 'cause you might get run over.

Circular unreasonableness, anyone?


Then there is that damned pesky notion of "safety".

Considering the number of drivers roaming around free who have

smacked previous vehicles into inanimate objects, ditches, pedestrians,

and each other, feeling "safe" on the road is a nebulous concept.

But they consider that the price of freedom and toddle off to

buy the biggest, heaviest, most intidimating bit of Detroit iron

they can afford, totally ignoring the fact that trucks and SUVs

don't have to meet even the minimum government safety standards

that are currently demanded of the manufacturers of toddler tricycles...

Did you know that a motor can come visit you in the passenger

compartment while you are pinned in place by airbags and safety

belts?

Instead of rigidly bolting the son of a gun in place, so that it

do not move, manufacturers allow the power plant to ride on as

few screws, rubber mounts and attachments as possible, making it

proned to want to wander backward in a FIVE MILE AN HOUR crash.

Imagine what it would do at eighty...