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We all love those 'Doctor, Doctor' jokes don't we? The following ten questions are all the
opening lines from 'Doctor, Doctor' jokes, all you have to do is supply the proper punch line.
There are three to choose from, as always I just need an A, B or C for each question from you.

If you would like to send your answers to us here at smiley - thepost we will give
you a mention in next week's edition. An email address has been handily provided for you below
the questions.

Doctor Needs Help, Apply Within!

  1. Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses.
    A. You certainly do, Sir, that's the window you just walked through!
    B. You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!
    C. You certainly do, Sir, but you can hold more in a pint mug!

  2. Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?!
    A. Stick your foot out and trip it up!
    B. Go on strike, noses will never cross a picket line!
    C. Super Glue your nostrils together!

  3. Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell?
    A. Pull the other one!
    B. Sounds like you might have an attack of the Campaniles!!
    C. Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!

  4. Doctor, Doctor I tend to flush a lot.
    A. Don't worry it's just a chain reaction!
    B. These jokes a getting more like toilet humour every day!
    C. Take these, and try not to let it happen!

  5. Doctor, Doctor I feel like a sheep.
    A. Now you are just trying to pull the wool over my eyes!
    B. That's baaaaaaaaaad!
    C. So if we give you these Kangaroo pills you will become a wolly jumper right?

  6. Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards.
    A. I'll deal with you later.
    B. There's always one joker in the pack!
    C. Maybe it's time you gave up being an Assistant Community Editor on h2g2 then.

  7. Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there is two of me.
    A. Sounds like a nasty case of Pluralsee!
    B. One at a time please.
    C. I'm over here, you're talking to a mirror.

  8. Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my acne?
    A. I never make rash promises!
    B. Well if it doesn't you could always try a pen, dot to dots always cheer me up!
    C. Only if you use it sparingly, a spot here and a spot there.

  9. Doctor, Doctor I feel like an orange.
    A. Hmmmm, better come back tomorrow when you are feeling less fruity.
    B. Can you move over, I'm feeling a little squashed.
    C. Are you taking the pith?

  10. Doctor, Doctor My little boy has just swallowed a roll of film!
    A. Hmmmm. Let's hope nothing develops.
    B. Don't be silly, you are just being negative!
    C. Don't worry your prints should be back within 24 hours.

Send your answers to [email protected], please include
your h2g2 researcher name and 'U' number, so credit can be given where it is due.
Correspondence should be with me no later than Tuesday 15th 2004


Those that Deserve a Pat on the Back

Gold medal

The Gold Medal Winner's are -

Reddyfreddy - Both song

titles correct.

Toy Box - Both song titles


A Dr. Justin - Both song

titles correct.


Keeping the Status Quo Answers

The two extra 'Status Quo' song titles were;

  • Roll Over Beethoven
  • The Wanderer

The QED Archive

Greebo T. Cat

10.06.04 Front Page

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