The Case of the Housebound Fog - Chapter Three

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A member of the special constabulary.

Featuring: Inspector Gasgonnoff Isnoton

Episode Three

This is the Episode after the last Episode, which was not the first Episode...

Having all the clues to the murder and taken all the interviews, I had to convince this man in the white coat of who I was.

The room I was in was very well done; the walls had a soft feel to them. I thought, 'What a clever idea, in case someone tripped!' But the interior decorator was rubbish, leaving them plain white... and the big mirror on the wall was far too high... I would be taking notes of this, but the coat they gave me to keep warm had very, very long arms and had to be tied behind (to stop me tripping up) handy that the walls were so soft.

Being an Inspector, you have to have keen senses, so I had noticed that every time I said I was Inspector Gas-gone-off Is-not-on, very slowly so they could understand me, four men in white coats came in the room and plugged my coat into the wall socket, at which electricity flowed into me. I told them that the makers of the warming jacket had made a bad connection in the wiring.

These men must have been very thirsty! They kept saying more juice, more juice.

Now, I don't berate our medical doctors, but these men were thick! As soon as I said I'm not Inspector Gasgoneoff Isnoton, but Napoleon Bonaparte, they left saying 'he's ok now'!

So here was my chance, because Napoleon only had one arm behind him and the other in his vest, they took the coat off. The arms were very very long, but playing their game, I said - in my best French accent - 'Can I inspect the troops before we give battle with Wellington?' They replied, 'No problem Boney, go right ahead'. I walked down a corridor to another room, much larger and to my surprise, there were five Napoleons walking about and lots of people gibbering and making weird noises, they must have been practicing for a play.

But then, I was given a blow to stagger the strongest, at one side of the room playing darts, was his lordship, alive as well and the gardener was playing cards with the upstairs maid, I stood rooted to the spot - which is hard when there's no soil and nothing will grow on a spot anyway!

A man in a white coat came up and said, 'Your cognac, Napoleon'. Now thick white fluid is not Cognac and I said, 'Do you take me for a fool?' At which four men in white coats brought my long armed coat, I told them that I was warm enough, but they insisted that I put it on (maybe a cold spell was coming, so I let them, knowing that after defeating Wellington, I was going to Court Marshall them, for insulting their Emperor!!)...

Maybe his lordship has a twin brother, I'll ask him later...

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