h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Ahmed Zaoui - Refugee from Terror - A2689590
Author: Adelaide the Cat Woman: "It's new name time again - this time it's the last, I promise..." - U179697

This is an entry about a situation currently exercising people's minds here in NZ. Although it is partisan, i believe it is also factual and as objective as the situation allows.

Hi Adelaide,

This is an informative entry, and serves to highlight what can be seen as an abuse of due process - something which seems to be becoming more widely practiced throughout the world. Its well written and shows some research, and undoubtedly your sense of conviction is evident in the entry.

As you allude in your introduction, where your article doesn't meet the EG guidelines is in the area of balance - presenting the other side of the story, explaining the greater complexities of the situation and looking at the story as a disinterested observer who sees arguments for and against on both sides.

The thing is though, how do you do this without diluting your message? The Edited Guide is just not the right forum for making a strong political message, because political messages, by their nature, are subjective.

The point of your article is well made, its just that I'm struggling to see how it would fit easily into the Edited Guide.

Just my

Woodpigeon

This is an interesting and thought-provoking piece, but the style of the writing is not entirely reader friendly. For example, there don’t appear to be any clear paragraph breaks and this solid page of text is a little daunting.

I would appreciate better explanation of some of the terms and abbreviations you use, for example what does FIS stand for? I’ve heard the term habeas corpus before, but I have no idea what it means. Also, some closer proof reading would be a good idea. I read the sentence ‘his wife and sons ate in hiding’ in bewilderment several times before I realised that the word ‘ate’ should be ‘are’.

This is obviously something that you feel strongly about (and rightly so!), but you need to temper your writing style so that this comes across as less of a rant at the injustices of the world and more of a balanced factual report. I have to agree with Woodpigeon in that, as it presently stands, this article is unlikely the make the edited guide. However, I think it is worth a re-write.

Liz
~

I have done some revision - and corrected the truly embarassing typing errors! (I am so sorry about them...)
Also, I provided a definition of habeas corpus...
The problem is, that I don't really see that there *is* another side to it... at least, one that isn't founded on false assumptions and thereby on what one of Zaoui's lawyers called 'disinformation.'

Well, seeing as this is a very contentious topic, I can only agree that it would be better left out of the EG. h2g2's sister site, http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/iCan , has been set up to allow people to campaign on single issues. I'd suggest you could get a more receptice audience there.

Thanks, Felonious... I am not too good at these things - what is the best way to transfer it there?

Cut and paste, methinks.

I'll give it a go, thanks...

If you navigate to PeerReview you should see an 'x' next to your entry. Click on that to remove it from this review forum.

Having been reminded of this, I have to come along and say, attempting to transfer it to ICan didn't work!

Does anyone have any suggestions?

No you won't be able to take it into iCan as that is set up specifically for UK residents. I think you need a UK post code to register for the terms and conditions, which of course would rule you out.

My only other suggestion would be that you could offer it up to The Post to see if they want it.

Good idea, Greydesk, thanks!