h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

--==++**Well, some of those recipes look interesting. Others look absolutely terrible.**++==--

When ==DNA== died, I felt that we here on Earth needed a suitably powerful drink to mourn his passing properly. Thus, I sat down at my Sub-Etha terminal and proceeded to pour over every PGGB recipe I could find.

After several days, about a thousand dollars worth of liquor, and more than six shirts, I finally realized that every recipe I found was one of the following:

1) Almost, but not quite, completely unlike having your brain smashed out by a lemon wedge wrapped 'round a large gold brick.

2) Vomit inducing to the point of being undrinkable after two or three.

3) Too complicated, or conversely, oversimplified.

Thus I set out to create my own recipe and here's what I've come up with. I won't include the full print-out because I was drunk at the time, used some bad math, and also stated unequivocally that it could be mixed in several manners which in retrospect are both unwise and unfavorable. An edited version, complete with illustrations, corrected alcohol content ratings, and appropriate health warnings may become available sometime in the next three thousand years.

So here then, is the highly abridged, Americanized, imminently mixable, ever popular at parties, much requested and seldom remembered ==**Prophet Zarquon Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster Recipe**==:

Prepare a large bottle, usually about 1 liter (Keeping it pre-mixed is a good idea, because after participating in a few rounds, the bartender usually isn't fit to handle icy bottles and tiny glasses, much less careful measurements and long division).

==Chill all your liquor==. This will help mask the rocket fuel odor and you may actually be able to get people to try one if you don't tell them what's in it first.

**Mix**:

**6** parts ==Absolut Citron== (Overpriced lemon vodka, *NOT* ORANGE or "Citrus")

**1** part ==Bacardi 151== (Use only 151 proof rum, others are too dark and will result in a foul tasting drink lacking the proper variety of tongue pain)

**1** part ==Goldschlager== (For the gold flakes: I hate cinnamon schnapps, but the end result is worth it)

**1** part ==Everclear== (Yes, you have too: It keeps the Goldschlager from seperating in the freezer and makes sure that the gold arrives at your brain in brick form)

You can **skimp or add** a bit on the Goldschlager to taste, but ==always match with an equal amount of Everclear==.

The 151 was originally added for tint, so ==you should be looking for a barely visible golden color==, lighter than Corona but dark enough to see the difference between the mix and the Vodka.

Shake well and ==always serve chilled==. Garnish with lemon wedge (Eating the lemon wedge directly after the shot will help cut the burn for those less initiated in the ways of hard liquor).

You can mix it into Jello Shots (we call this ==Sepachol== Jello Shots, because it tastes like lemon flavored cough medicine and leaves your mouth tasting like fresh mouthwash), just be sure not to heat the liquor. These are a favorite at my parent's twice annual Solstice parties.

It makes excellent Hard Lemonade. Much stronger than store-bought "Hard Lemonade" and about a thousand times easier to drink than the straight shots.

If you can find it, you can make a Hot Toddy with ==Celestial Seasonings== ==**Red Zinger**==. **BEWARE**: Do NOT use ==Lemon Zinger==. I tried this once a few years ago and I can still taste it whenever I smell ==Lemon Pledge==.

That's about it! Feel free to experiment with the ratios to find your favorite flavor. Ideally, you should be able to taste the sweet schnapps at the tip of your tongue, the lemon vodka at the sides of your mouth, the 151 at the back of your throat, and the Everclear everywhere within a ten foot radius.

If the first batch doesn't come out right, dump it in some lemonade and try again. You'll know when it's right, because the first shot will make you say =="FREOW! Pour me another"==.

**NOTE**: Here in ==Denver== and ==Boulder== ==Colorado==, there is a small, but growing number of bars that serve this drink. It usually costs about 7 dollars. 9 if you have to explain it.

PS: ==Do not serve over ice.== That's just wrong.

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