h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: Capoeira - An Afro-Brazilian Martial Art - A25853727
Author: Opticalillusion - media mynx life would be boring without hiccups - U231227

anyone for a game of capoeira?

Original entry at: A521803

Former PR thread: F48874?thread=120193

B'Elana

Good entry, Opti.

You use the word "Capoiera" too often in this. It becomes very repetitive. Try and find different ways of referring to this martial art.

I know loads of people who are involved in Capoeira - well, two anyway - my daughter's best friend and the guy who sits beside me in work.

Gnomon

I have cut down on the use of Capoiera now.

I like this entry. It certainly seems to have very complete information.

A better definition of 'mestre' than 'leader' would be nice. I'd also consider moving it to the first paragraph.

Also also, a kamikaze parenthesis cull might make the entry flow, like, smootherer.

moved the definition of Mestre to the first paragraph as suggested.
as for using parenthesis ... I could adopt Footnotes instead...what do you think Gnomon?

Sorry, me again.

I don't think you need to use any more foot notes. You could move the translation of game (jogo) down into the foot notes as you alredy have one there. It was just where you describe the band that made me think taking out some parenthesis would be a good idea. It might have had something to do with me being tired as well.

The musicians play a number of instruments (The Bateria) such as the berimbau (a one-stringed instrument), which is usually played by the Mestre, the atabaque (a drum) and pandeiros (tambourines).

If you wanted to use a few more sentances you could cut down on parenthesis. My understanding is that a Bateria is a specific group of musicians but in the entry it come across as a collection of instruments. Is it both? Also, Wrongipedia lists ten instruments in a Samba Bateria. Is a Capoeira Bateria different?

or be I don't mind you trying to help. I have changed the format of the musical instruments to be in keeping with the art movements. A bateria is a group of musicians. I'm confused about there being a Samba Bateria and Capoeira Bateria.

Nice matching lists, look good and make the entry easier to read.

Different types of Bateria. My rubbishish phrasifying. I was just wondering if there was a difference, due to the extra instruments listed on wiki. Apparently not.

Whoops!
Seems there is a difference. I asked a Bateria member. I don't think it's important to the entry though. After an hour listening to a very enthusiastic drummer I think the form/band/instrumentation etc etc probably deserves an entry of its own.

Good luck

I find that when I write an entry it does make me question whether something needs another entry written on it be that a person or other. An example may be found by looking at the Oxfordshire entry you could have whole entries on the places of interest or famous people. It can go on and on.

so do you think my entry is guide friendly now?

Like my Salisbury Entry, A26151734.

I wrote 4 paras + 1 sentence about Salisbury Cathedral. However, this really needs an Entry to itself.

I just write what I consider to be the bare essentials when I know that I or someone else is going to have to write a specialist Entry.

A

Well done, and informative

Here's a few comments/nitpicks:

>>the ginga which is basically a swing like motion from one side to another<<
*swing-like*

>>there is no physical contact between Capoeristas and all movements are made either to evade or offend opponents<<
I watched a demonstration in Tucson, and I recall that there was physical contact. I wouldn't describe it as aggressive, but it did occur. In looking around on the web, I find corroboration that there is physical contact, and although it is not the point of the art, it is a part. For example, in
http://capoeiraatlanta.org/capoeira.html
I find: 'While at first glance capoeira can appear to be a non-contact martial art, physical contact is allowed at any time. Many foot sweeps, takedowns, headbutts and kicks do make contact. However, overt physical aggressiveness is discouraged, while the focus is put on the careful execution of these attacks and escapes.'

That's about it. Very well done indeed

meant an overgrown area that has been cut back (Mato Cortado). -- I don't know what Mato Cortado means here. Is it the name of a place or what?

who were brought over to Brazil from Banto, Angola and the Congo -- where's Banto? I can't find it on the maps.

To onlookers this martial art appears to be like a dance, this was deliberately done -- change the comma to a semicolon

There are two major styles the Regional -- put a colon after styles

was the original martial art --> was the origin of the martial art

Regardless of its original origins --> Regardless of its origins

the game was practiced --> the game was practised

Capoeira was outlawed in Brazil during 1890 --> Capoeira was outlawed in Brazil in 1890

emphasizing --> emphasising

Its not a fighting form --> It's not a fighting form

in a roda (circle), made up of people --> in a roda (circle) of people

of people, the roda measures -- change the comma to a semicolon

( 3 to 6 metres) -- remove the space after the opening bracket

a one-stringed instrument, which is ->
a one-stringed instrument resembling a bow with a gourd attached, which is

there is no physical contact -- in line with comments by earlier reviewers, I suggest you change this to
there is little physical contact

all movements are made either to evade --> most movements are made either to evade

to evade or offend -- what do you mean by "offend" here?

a swing like motion --> a swing-like motion

Finally, Capoeira was featured -- this isn't the final reference, so remove the word finally

a former Green Beret proficient in Capoeira teaches the art to a group -- to reduce the number of times you use Capoiera in this paragraph, change this to:
a former Green Beret proficient in the martial art teaches it to a group

rowdy high school students and the BBC -->
rowdy high school students. Finally, the BBC

'game'(jogo) -- put a space before the opening bracket

the term for doing or performing Capoeira is 'playing' Capoeira --> the term for doing or performing Capoeira is 'playing' it

Good work!

for the encouragement and for pointing out the mistakes. I've now put things to rights.

Very informative I had never heard of this so it's nice to learn a totally new thing.

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