February 13th

Put them away! No! I'm not. I'm not laughing. Stop smirking like that and put them down.

Red ones! Little lacy red ones! Size... where's the size?

Stop it! Come away from there. There's Mrs Evans from bowling... well I'm going. If you want your Cherry Bakewells you'll come now. I mean it.

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See those?!

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Get them out that trolley and away from my groceries this minute!

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Do hurry up Edie, everyone's stopping down the end - must be some good bargains this week.

Oh! Oh my! Oh my goodness, where do they think this is?

Now they are a bargain Joan. You won't get a pair in M & S for that... Don't be silly Edie. And don't wave them around like that!

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Fred! Did you just... did you just wink at that woman across the aisle? Never mind looking over your glasses at me ... you can't wink at strangers in the supermarket!

Look, I was looking, and you were looking, and I looked at you looking, and she looked at me looking at you looking, and Harry over there's looking at all of us looking, and poor Mary's still the colour of a beetroot and trying not to look as if she's looking ... You know what? I'll come shopping with you in Lidl's anytime.

Down the Aisle

We're not getting anything we don't need.

Right dear. Hey! Look at these. No. But ferrero rocher, you li... No.

That's a good pri... No. We'll buy the bread we always buy. I just thought... No. It might be nice. No. Those? No. That? Go and get two leeks, six tomatoes and a dozen carrots. Yes dear. Don't come back - with anything else, no dear.

What's that? It's a mango. Right, I'll put it back shall I? Can't think how it got in among the carrots, you just can't get the staff these - oh, hey! look they've got... No. But... No.

I need a new pair of flip-flops.
It's winter.
Summer's coming... they're two for the price of one?

Bargain?

Wow! Transparent loo seats with fish in them! Cheese.
Cheese?

Oh. Yes dear. Right away.

Just cheese. See? Your usual.



Artists' mannequins!!! They've got... well I might, one day. All the joints move, this is 'leaning on wall scratching'... Hands-free phones! How handy's that? You could dust while you talked. And car shaped post-it notes! Dinky!

Toothpaste... yes.

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No, you're alright love, we don't need any help with our packing. I don't think we even need a bag for our packing, never mind a box for our packing. In fact, I think I could get all these in my pockets.

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I wasn't. You were. No I wasn't. I was being environmentally friendly. Those bags are non-bio-degrad... erm, hang on...


You haven't got your car key there? By any chance? Have you dear?

Mine seems to be stuck in a tomato.