The Untrue Story behind HSInc.
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
In the beginning, there is Snot.
Snot is an oozing substance, flowing from orifices in such an uncontrollable way you require large quantities of tissue paper to stem the flow. This is, as will become clear to all, perfectly human and in sync with Creation (or, as I tend to call it, The General Idea).
All mammals deal with Snot, yet only sentient beings deal with HeadSnot.. Snot is a physical reaction flowing from the fact that the physical head is saturated with random pollution of the physical space (smog, virii, soot, smoke, spore elements, carbon dioxide, stuffy weather, pollen, etc.) causing the nose cavity to package all these contaminating substances into one slimy gunk, venting it out through two holes in the centre of your head. All mammals deal with this, yet the only species that feel ashamed by this are sentient beings like humans, dolphins and white mice. Dolphins are lucky, becasue they can dispatch their Snot into the Sea they swim in, and often use their Snot to increase the aerodynamics of their bodies in the water (when you touch a dolphin, it feels quite slippery, this is nothing to be apprehensicve of, it's nothing but its own Snot). White mice are lucky too, so intelligent that their internal coprocessors are constantly hot enough to evaporate their Snot (coming in small but very dense quantities anyway) off their little noses immediately.
Humans are then the only sentient beings on earth having real problems with their Snot, for which they use large quantities of tissue paper.
Having explained the relevant info on SNot, we introduce HeadSnot.. HeadSnot is a nonphysical Substance caused by a saturation of the mind with contaminations and polluting material present in the everyday thinking space. One should think in terms of queue waiting, nagging kids, difficult math problems, too much coffee on a hot afternoon, having tobacco but no rolling paper, wondering why we're all here and what the General Direction of it all is (the General Direction being the way towards getting the General Idea), floundering loved ones, having the flu, etc. In general the human race is constantly assaulted by all these little or large obstacles, hindrances and women/men).
Now, every human being is equiopped with a cache for this contamination, but even the largest cache gets filled to the brim eventually, causing the mind to call it a lday and displaying symptoms of what our scientists have determined "The Toilet Door Sign Saying OCCUPIED" or TTDSSO..
When one is bogged down like this, one starts looking for tissue paper, but that is only meant for physical Snot, and highly unsuited for writing things on (ever written on tissue paper? You know what I mean).
Indeed, the only way to get rid of HeadSnot is venting it out into the open, where it can be put to use. The traditional way of doing this is by writing it down on reinforced tissue paper (what we now call writing paper but is nothing more than modified Kleenex) Nowadays, we have other ways, one of these being the computer., but this is beside the point.
What is important , is that as a consequence of humanity's shame for Snot, HeadSnot, being no different in it's inevitablility, is regarded as just as embarassing. People seen venting out the jumbled and (on first sight) weird contents of their mind in public are looked away from, they envelope themselves with a nasty side effect called the SEP Field (Someone Else's Problem Field, courtesy of Douglas Adams)
and subsequently lose their friends and family. To solve this problem of inacceptance, the people who suffered the most from chronic HeadSnot started setting up all sorts of platforms to escape the scorn of those who suffer least. Some of these platforms grew to be renowned literary magazines, others eventually crumbled away into senseless drivel, one is the platform you're now a researcher of, for the Dutch there is a small brotherhood called the CVSM
(kijk op CVSM) and mine is called HeadSnot Incorporated.
That is what HSInc is, and why it's here. There are no real initiation rites, no fees to be paid, and no Gods to worship in any shape, form, or level of egocentrism. Come one, come all, come as you are, but at least come without fear of the metasneezing away the headcold we all suffer from now and then. Unclog your mind by jettisoning your HeadSnot, any old notepad or keyboard will do. I hope to see you all healthy, coherent and clear of mind.
Snot is an oozing substance, flowing from orifices in such an uncontrollable way you require large quantities of tissue paper to stem the flow. This is, as will become clear to all, perfectly human and in sync with Creation (or, as I tend to call it, The General Idea).
All mammals deal with Snot, yet only sentient beings deal with HeadSnot.. Snot is a physical reaction flowing from the fact that the physical head is saturated with random pollution of the physical space (smog, virii, soot, smoke, spore elements, carbon dioxide, stuffy weather, pollen, etc.) causing the nose cavity to package all these contaminating substances into one slimy gunk, venting it out through two holes in the centre of your head. All mammals deal with this, yet the only species that feel ashamed by this are sentient beings like humans, dolphins and white mice. Dolphins are lucky, becasue they can dispatch their Snot into the Sea they swim in, and often use their Snot to increase the aerodynamics of their bodies in the water (when you touch a dolphin, it feels quite slippery, this is nothing to be apprehensicve of, it's nothing but its own Snot). White mice are lucky too, so intelligent that their internal coprocessors are constantly hot enough to evaporate their Snot (coming in small but very dense quantities anyway) off their little noses immediately.
Humans are then the only sentient beings on earth having real problems with their Snot, for which they use large quantities of tissue paper.
Having explained the relevant info on SNot, we introduce HeadSnot.. HeadSnot is a nonphysical Substance caused by a saturation of the mind with contaminations and polluting material present in the everyday thinking space. One should think in terms of queue waiting, nagging kids, difficult math problems, too much coffee on a hot afternoon, having tobacco but no rolling paper, wondering why we're all here and what the General Direction of it all is (the General Direction being the way towards getting the General Idea), floundering loved ones, having the flu, etc. In general the human race is constantly assaulted by all these little or large obstacles, hindrances and women/men).
Now, every human being is equiopped with a cache for this contamination, but even the largest cache gets filled to the brim eventually, causing the mind to call it a lday and displaying symptoms of what our scientists have determined "The Toilet Door Sign Saying OCCUPIED" or TTDSSO..
When one is bogged down like this, one starts looking for tissue paper, but that is only meant for physical Snot, and highly unsuited for writing things on (ever written on tissue paper? You know what I mean).
Indeed, the only way to get rid of HeadSnot is venting it out into the open, where it can be put to use. The traditional way of doing this is by writing it down on reinforced tissue paper (what we now call writing paper but is nothing more than modified Kleenex) Nowadays, we have other ways, one of these being the computer., but this is beside the point.
What is important , is that as a consequence of humanity's shame for Snot, HeadSnot, being no different in it's inevitablility, is regarded as just as embarassing. People seen venting out the jumbled and (on first sight) weird contents of their mind in public are looked away from, they envelope themselves with a nasty side effect called the SEP Field (Someone Else's Problem Field, courtesy of Douglas Adams)
and subsequently lose their friends and family. To solve this problem of inacceptance, the people who suffered the most from chronic HeadSnot started setting up all sorts of platforms to escape the scorn of those who suffer least. Some of these platforms grew to be renowned literary magazines, others eventually crumbled away into senseless drivel, one is the platform you're now a researcher of, for the Dutch there is a small brotherhood called the CVSM
(kijk op CVSM) and mine is called HeadSnot Incorporated.
That is what HSInc is, and why it's here. There are no real initiation rites, no fees to be paid, and no Gods to worship in any shape, form, or level of egocentrism. Come one, come all, come as you are, but at least come without fear of the metasneezing away the headcold we all suffer from now and then. Unclog your mind by jettisoning your HeadSnot, any old notepad or keyboard will do. I hope to see you all healthy, coherent and clear of mind.
