IPR presents: The Prophet of Midian and the Prince of Piece de Resistance, or
Created | Updated Mar 22, 2004
Liturgical Bingo and the Lost Gospel of the Jerusalem Donkey
There was a fellow named Balaam who had an ass. This animal is famous.
Just as tradition strongly suggests that Jesus was the angel-like entity wandering around
in the furnace with Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego, and that the wood of the cross
of the crucifixion was from Noah's Ark... so tradition also suggests that the donkey that
Christ rode into Jerusalem on the back of was related, distantly, to Balaam's Ass.
Isn't it nice to have everything in a neat bundle?
So, you're the descendant of the descendant of Balaam's, um, beast of burden, are you not?
It would seem so.
And while one of your esteemed and estamed ancestors seems to have been able to talk...
As I am.
So it would seem. Also, another of your esteemed and estamed ancestors, a bit further up the family tree, seems to have been able to write...
or dictate...
Ah, yes, as the hooves would tend to...
hold one back from negotiating the skills necessary to manipulate a pen...
just so. So, do I understand correctly that you are also related to the donkey from...
the "Shrek" movie? Nah, that's fiction. Pixillation, don't you know?
Ah. That would present a bit of a difficulty, wouldn't it?
I don't know what you are talking about.
Erm. Yes. I see. Anyway, it seems that according to recent archeological discoveries near the town of Acton on the Jordan, that there is a "Gospel According to the Donkey of the Triumphal Entry into Jerusalem"?
I've heard of such, but I haven't seen it yet. I might have a bit of a problem, as I cannot read. There's a white paper being prepared about such things, but it's being done part time by people trying to come up with a new new name for the Royal Mail.
Ah. Not much hope there, I suppose.
Very very little. So many documents from the time of Hisself have gone missing and popped up again in odd parts of the desert, that it seems that the Middle East is pockmarked like a golf course laid out by a dyslexic designer...
I see your point...
Shush! While I finish it.
Okay...
Tut!
Sorry.
You did it again. Am I going to have to come around to that side of the table to reason with you? Ah, I see you shaking your head. Smart human. As I was saying...
silence
Ah... I've forgot... thanks, human.
Can I talk, now?
Might as well. You've achieved your desired result...
Such as?
To make me look like an ass.
This gag shall not continue!
Doesn't take much to do...
I said, This Gag Shall Not Continue!
Oh, all right, but you haven't given me much to work with.
That's Your Look-out!
Um, are you hearing voices? Having an ecstatic moment?
Um, no. That's the voice of the producer in my little earpiece.
Ah. Pity. Thought you were going mad, there.
Pity?
Then we would be in the same boat.
Eh?
Well, see, I'm not really a donkey. I just think I am.
Then, what are you?
An Emu...
ERIC!
