IPR presents: The Lady who Invented the Bra Duplicator
Created | Updated Mar 18, 2004
The Lady who Invented the bra duplicator
There are few incidents in the recent genetic memory of mammalian
Mammary Moments that beat the infamous Bikini Top Massacre of 1964.
Moment of silence, please, hand placed on right breast (yours, if you don't mind).
The beachware industry is still reeling from that, as their sales halved for most
the next two decades when women and men were afraid to wear their tops and settled
for the safety of wearing the bottoms, but warily.
I've heard of you. Stay on that side of the table.
Um. Really?
Yes.
Okay. Hello, and Good Morning, Mrs....
Um, no it isn't.
Ms?
No.
Let me look through my notes here....
It's Captain.
Captain?
Lady Captain, to you.
Lady Captain... Lady Captain Immersol?
No. Just Lady Captain. I did not give you persimmons to use my full name.
Ah. Yes. So, I will not be calling you Carapicia, then...
Would you like to be shot?
What?
The last man who called me that was shot.
For calling you that?
No. But he was shot just the same!
Ah. Where?
In the Crimea...
I see.
I dare say you didn't. It was a remote area and it took the sniper two weeks of
steady crawling to get into place.... Oops...
Aha. Got you!
What!
This whole thing was a trick to get you to confess!
What?
I am Inspector Crotch of the Surety and that fellow over there pretending to
be a wall, is Detective Pulp!
Hello.
What? I want my lawyer!
Soon enough. We have to finish delousing him. He was caught hiding in the quarantine
kennels at Heathrow.
With the dogs?
Um, no, the paparazzi...
Oh. There's a joke in there, somewhere, I take it?
If you do, then there will be none, will there?
Oh, come on, just a pinch! No one will miss it!
Ah. You got that right.
But, what about the radio audience? What about my Bra Duplicator?
There's some people in Brussels that want to talk to you about that.
What?
It seems that there was some serendipitious development...
No!
Your EU patent is in question.
Who?
A twelve year old Catholic girl from Armenia who now lives in Belhaven.
What? I think she used to work for me! What's her name?
Cordelia VryHtma
She did used to work for me!
Yes, well, she's got a dated biro sketch on a cockatoo feather that has been
carbon dated to a year before you submitted your first sketch.
It's mine, I tell you! That's my feather! She stoled it!
She what?
She wove it into a Mint Stole that she was working on while I was having lunch with
her mother on the Camp Elysee!
Ah. Well, that is neither here nor there...
It's everywhere!
