Recycle! Recycle! Recycle!
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
You know, everyone is recycling. There is this big move to Reduce, Recycle, Reuse. Now I am all for saving the planet. I recycle my cans, paper, styrafoam, and nuclear reactor cores. But some things are just too stupid to recycle and I compiled a short list of them. But before I give you that (hee, hee, it's a teaser), I want to comment on this "buying in bulk". Now somethings buyoing bulk is okay. Like, instead of buying some plastic wrapped cataloupe, buy the whole melon. But it goes too far when you need a bottle of mustard for a cookout and you the only store open on the Playoff weekend is the Earth First Grocery Store and all they have is mustard in 2 gallon plastic (recycled) bottles! Who is going to use 2 gallons of mustard (mind you it has been sitting on the shelf since the Regan Administration and tastes like creamed corn)? What you got a thirty-foot long hotdog to eat? (Yeah, some of you guys think so, but you are misinformed!)
Okay my list of stupid biodegradable and recylable...crap!
1. Condems. This has to be the dumbest thing to recycle. Would you like to put on something that someone else's boy have swimmed in? You sick-o! And biodegradable condems? Who came up with that? Yeah, you can throw them into the sewer, but who wants 5 billion you's wandering around in the drainage system. That's pretty disturbing if you ask me.
But I guess biodegradable condems are better than the alternative. I really love to come homd and turn on the kitchen skin faucet and have a tall glass of prophylactic!
2. Computer components. Can you say the Melissa virus? (No, not Melissa Joan Hart. That's the vrius that increases your floppy drive.)
3. Airline engine parts. Oh, wonderful! I just want to get on an airplane with engine parts recycled from Flight 800! In case of emergency, the Lord's Prayer is found under your seat.
4. Recycled Airbags. My idea of a recycled airbag is stuffing it back into the steering wheel.
5. Recycled food. Now what Green Peace, Earth First, Save the Planet moron came up with this. I heard about this on the news. (What station? What, you think I want a bunch of journalist idiots suing me?) I think that is dumb. Isn't orgaic food recyclable anyway? I'm sorry, but that orange peel might not be absorbed by the earth. So let me get this straight, you want me to keep a compose heap in my grage in a barrel? My idea of recycled food is lot's of bran! What do you think sewage treatment places are for? The glorious smell?!
Like I say, recycling is all well and good, but some ideas should be kept on the drawing board.
Okay my list of stupid biodegradable and recylable...crap!
1. Condems. This has to be the dumbest thing to recycle. Would you like to put on something that someone else's boy have swimmed in? You sick-o! And biodegradable condems? Who came up with that? Yeah, you can throw them into the sewer, but who wants 5 billion you's wandering around in the drainage system. That's pretty disturbing if you ask me.
But I guess biodegradable condems are better than the alternative. I really love to come homd and turn on the kitchen skin faucet and have a tall glass of prophylactic!
2. Computer components. Can you say the Melissa virus? (No, not Melissa Joan Hart. That's the vrius that increases your floppy drive.)
3. Airline engine parts. Oh, wonderful! I just want to get on an airplane with engine parts recycled from Flight 800! In case of emergency, the Lord's Prayer is found under your seat.
4. Recycled Airbags. My idea of a recycled airbag is stuffing it back into the steering wheel.
5. Recycled food. Now what Green Peace, Earth First, Save the Planet moron came up with this. I heard about this on the news. (What station? What, you think I want a bunch of journalist idiots suing me?) I think that is dumb. Isn't orgaic food recyclable anyway? I'm sorry, but that orange peel might not be absorbed by the earth. So let me get this straight, you want me to keep a compose heap in my grage in a barrel? My idea of recycled food is lot's of bran! What do you think sewage treatment places are for? The glorious smell?!
Like I say, recycling is all well and good, but some ideas should be kept on the drawing board.
