h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Why, that's a sad affair, to be the first person to comment your article 6 moths after publishing. In fact, when I was setting up my page here 3 days ago, I was vaguely thinking about publishing something similar, meaning an intelligent comment about D/s, my opinion on this subject, an opener for free discussion. However, it would have taken me a long, long time, I am afraid, being not a native speaker, and I sometimes find it terribly difficult to make a point when writing in English.

Well, I would say I agree very much with your definitions so far (being a member of the opposite force ) and I should think that even people who do not own a pair of handcuffs or the like should be intrigued to find out what it's all about .... especially if confronted with an entry which makes it obvious that there is quite more to BDSM than kinky or dirty sex.

I am also writing to maggie, I found your enty through your posting in her forum. I don't know about you but I am not ready to give up discussion of this subject right away. There must be more of us out there.

I /hope/ there are more of us out there. I'd really like a few more ideas or opinions before I offer this article up for approval. And reasoned discussion is the best way to do that. I'm just hoping I don't get any twits who think I'm deviant in here (of course I am deviant, but that's a whole other discussion ).
Oh and if what you've written is an normal example of your English, I think you do better than many people I know who in theory speak it 'naturally'!

I am sure there are. Though it should not really be encouraged to have a big crowd here who is not really interested to discuss but rather to get themselves excited. Deviant is a nice term, I had not thought about the English term for that kind of "different" (well, that's just another word for deviant, more or less). I usually tell the vanilla crowd that I consider them "normal" as opposed to me.... so, who wants to be "normal" nowadays? Some years ago I used to very very open on the subject and I didn't have any bad experiences with people. And in Germany today it's quite fashionable to at least look as if you were a bit on the kinky side among teens and twens.
But you've been here longer .... did you really get no comments at all on your entry? Did some of this never come up in any discussion? It's strange, as I said nobody wants to be normal, but they are still afraid that somebody might think they are not.

I have read your entry once again. I'd say that is gives the basics af D/s in a way that IMO more or less everybody who's done some thinking on the subject and who's also had some live experience would agree with what you write. I have made the experience that you cannot find two BDSM people who do absolutely agree on what BDSM is for them. And why should they, as long as they both can communicate their needs and interests. And communication is at the heart of a BDSM relationship. I agree with you that the level of communication is generally higher that with the average of normal relationships. But we are speaking of more or less ideal D/s relationships as well.

And I do not think that anything is really missing in your entry, for to go into details will only confuse the readers who are not well accquainted with the subject. I know that my opinions will certainly confuse even a lot scene people, because I do not at all with D/s opinions you can read in books. A sub is very often the driving force behind a lot of activities and methods used by the Domme and I do not think that's gender specific either. Also, I do not agree that a safe word is needed, though it may be helpful for beginners or for playing with somebody you do not know.

So, I think you should put this entry forward for approval. But perhaps we can also find more people who like to discuss in this or other forums (fora?). Hope to hear from you soon .

I'm trying to work out how to edit the last bit of the article about /why/ you'd get into such a relationship. I've thrown in too many generalities and tarred with too wide a brush. Problem is lately my brain has been MUSH. Once I have that under control I think you're right, I'll offer it for approval.

Thanks for your comments. I was wondering if this article was worth it up till then

I should have put this in the last post.

With regard to safewords. I think they're essential for those starting out. As you progress you may be able to drop them, but if you /do/ get into the 'harder' aspects of the lifestyle where limits can be frequently pushed I think they become 'useful' again.

However, by the same token /I/ don't have safewords and I've not suffered for this. But then, my Domme also knows me inside out and knows how to read my mood instantly. Guess I'm lucky

I am looking forward to your explanations as to why one should happen to find oneself in this kind of relationsship. One reason people may have, sadly, is that they had experienced some kind of abusive relationsship in their past, sometimes as children.

On the other hand, I got to know quite a lot of BDSM people and I do not longer think everybody has to has a reason why he is what he is. I am quite sure meanwhile that there is no reason for me. I had my earliest BDSM phantasies in my perfectly normal childhood, they accompagnied me through puberty, assuming an erotic connotation. Still, I was a outwardly perfectly normal teenager, a perfectly normal twen but still I was not really happy, nor satisfied. I was afraid of a lot of things and most afraid of myself. But I gathered up my courage and just tried it. I have never since doubted that I found what I was looking for.

So, what do you call that? Destiny?

For me BDSM is a way of communication and of communication at a high level. i order not to overstep the sub's limits, a Domme has to know how he/she is feeling. Some subs are not very communicative, they try to hide first their pain, then, if it comes to that, they hide their anger. I never go far with such a sub until he/she has learned to communicate his/her feelings. I know that goes against that favourite sub's textbook idea that the Domme is in charge and the sub must helplessly suffer her every whim, cruel or not Still, if you do not talk about this silent communication then both can kind of ignore it and just pretend .

And, once these limits are established and plain to see for the Domme, then she can overstep them knowingly. I love to push the limits but I would not want to do it without realizing there is a limit. I don't think a safeword would help there, because honestly I believe that if and when I "know" how the sub is feeling, I know his limits better than he does. In scenes where this pushing of limits is possible, in my experience the sub will be "far away" and wouldn't know how to spell his own name .... (except: S .... L .... ). That's why the Domme is in charge after all and it is her responsibility then not to discredit the trust offered.

So, in regard to this I cannot imagine a scene where a safeword would help ME .... but it might be helpful for the sub to know that there is a way out when it gets to tough .... still, I wonder.

Also there are some mistakes a Domme might make, for example choosing a punishment which is too hard (or the wrong time for it). So, when I tell somebody that I will give him 100 with the cane and then realize that he can barely take 20, I am in trouble. A safeword might help, but if it is used it becaomes obvious that the Domme has made this mistake. A fact which is bad enough in itself and it doesn't help when it's pointed out, it will spoil the scene for both. The elegant way out in my opinion is for the sub to realize what's happening and to help his Domme backing off in a dignified way. All he has to do is beg her to be spared. It's a small thing for him to do and it will save the scene. The Domme can still give him as much as he can take or choose another kind of punishment altogether.

If the sub is getting obstinate however, then only a very experienced Domme will find a way to continue with the scene in an agreeable way and without destroying it. In some scenes, the Domme moves on "thin ice" and has to trust in the sub to get her safely back to shore without making it obvious that such help was needed or given.

hmmm .... I got carried away a bit ..... but give my regards to your Domme, indeed lucky one

I'm having trouble coming to a conclusion on how you'd come to this lifestyle. Certainly a number of those I know in the lifestyle suffered abuse as children, but then so did a number of my friends who didn't. I can't draw conclusions from that.

A pithy answer might simply be that it's part of you. I admit that for many years I 'denied' my submissive needs, even to myself. It was only after I realised that there were other subs out there that I decided to 'come out' and ask my then wife to be my Domme (it was a natural shift, she Dominated me anyway

Many I talk to seem to have the same thing. Sometimes they have fantasies of Dominating, sometimes of submitting. But it seems only when they can admit it to themselves that they look to 'enter the lifestyle'.

In other cases (such as my Domme's) a person has no knowledge of D/s and couldn't care. But it's presented to them, and then they have to make a decision to either say 'no', or 'maybe' or (even better) 'yes'.

Personally I think every relationship has a touch of D/s about it. I know of one couple who give me wierd looks when I even mention it, but she's obviously the Domme and he the sub; they just won't admit it.

Sometimes it's clear cut, sometimes they switch the roles, but every relationship has power exchanges. They're just not always as 'obvious' as in a 'D/s relationship.

Hmm, I hope you can get something out of this random waffle

Ok now I'm irritated. I did a several screen reply to your reply and added a lot more thoughts and then as I hit "Post Message" Internet Explorer crashed.

I'll try to marshal my thoughts again sometime, but right now to see so much work just dissapear and not having 'saved' it...*grr*

strange ...... I also wrote a really long answer to your posting and it crashed, too. Not the explorer, but h2g2 ...... my userpage was blank and all other user pages as well. First I thought they had cancelled my membership, but the next day all was back to normal. I am not sure but I have the feeling we are being censored by a machine which detects terms like BDSM. I can understand how you felt about your lost posting. I am irritated as well .

Well, I guess I will try another post and write a lot of terms like this.

BDSM BDSM slave bondage D/s Domme BDSM BDSM S&M S&M submission submission submission BDSM BDSM D/s D/s D/s Dominance Dominance Dominance

LOL ..... maybe it was a crash after all

For me, becoming a submissive was a long struggle. I, as much as I can claim a 'victory' here, have finally convinced my female spouse of 15 years to accept me as her slave, her possesion. She's a very normal person, with no inclination to kinky stuff. Gently, so gently I hope I've led her into a phase of sexual imagination. But even if not, she has acknowledged my need to be owned.

Abuse is not an issue with me. I find becoming a slave an adventure of becoming a different person. And an adventure of my lover and spouse learning to treat me as a different person. I find my slavery a way to show my devotion meaningfully. We've only just started this new relationship, and we don't pretend to want to share it with others but I am looking forward to spiritual and personal growth that I could not have attained on my own. I hope to provide the same to Her.

I am alex, slave to The Lady Annette, whose collar I wear with pride as a symbol of her ownership...

Are you still around Old Wolf? I'd like to see this in the official guide if it isn't by now.