h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Here follows the correct Procedure for using Drive up Automated Teller Machines:

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. DRIVE UP TO THE CASH MACHINE.
2. WIND DOWN YOUR CAR WINDOW.
3. INSERT CARD INTO MACHINE AND ENTER PIN..
4. ENTER AMOUNT OF CASH REQUIRED AND WITHDRAW.
5. RETRIEVE CARD, CASH AND RECEIPT.
6. WIND UP WINDOW.
7. DRIVE OFF.

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1. DRIVE UP TO CASH MACHINE.
2. REVERSE BACK THE REQUIRED AMOUNT TO ALIGN CAR WINDOW TO MACHINE.
3. RE-START THE STALLED ENGINE.
4. WIND DOWN THE WINDOW.
5. FIND HANDBAG, REMOVE ALL CONTENTS ONTO PASSENGER SEAT TO LOCATE CARD.
6. TURN DOWN THE RADIO.
7. ATTEMPT TO INSERT CARD INTO MACHINE.
8. OPEN CAR DOOR TO ALLOW EASIER ACCESS TO MACHINE DUE TO ITS EXCESSIVE DISTANCE FROM THE CAR.
9. INSERT CARD.
10. RE-INSERT CARD THE RIGHT WAY UP.
11. RE-ENTER HANDBAG TO FIND DIARY WITH YOUR PIN WRITTEN ON BACK PAGE.
12. ENTER PIN.
13. PRESS CANCEL AND RE-ENTER CORRECT PIN..
14. ENTER AMOUNT OF CASH REQUIRED.
15. CHECK MAKE-UP IN REAR VIEW MIRROR.
16. RETRIEVE CASH AND RECEIPT.
17. EMPTY HANDBAG AGAIN TO LOCATE PURSE AND PLACE CASH INSIDE.
18. PLACE RECEIPT IN BACK OF CHEQUE BOOK.
19. RE-CHECK MAKE UP AGAIN.
20. DRIVE FORWARD 2 METERS.
21. REVERSE BACK TO MACHINE.
22. RETRIEVE CARD.
23. RE-EMPTY HANDBAG, LOCATE CARD HOLDER AND PLACE CARD INTO THE SLOT PROVIDED.
24. RE-START STALLED ENGINE AND PULL AWAY..
25. DRIVE FOR 2 - 3 KILOMETRES........ RELEASE HANDBRAKE.

Oops the Title Should be ATMs - Sorry

Great joke
Fancy putting it in an article?

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