h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: 'Lawnchair' Larry Walters - A21414458
Author: Cardi-Bling a yo ho ho and a barrel of rum - U1619796

I've seen this tale floating around for a while now and it's always made me laugh. I hope it makes a good entry.

Brilliantly written - well done!

Great stuff!

However, I noted quite a few spelling mistakes CB, chuck it through a spellchecker at some point

I'd help out more, but I have to dash off to work right now. I'll come back to it though.

I'm still laughing about the FAA trying to find something to charge him with

Good work - a few nitpicks for you:

Footnotes should have full stops or other punctuation at the end, should start with a capital letter unless they start with ie, eg and so forth, and should come directly after the word they refer to.

You've got the odd curly quote mark (’) - these should be replaced by standard ones (')

"When the evidence was analysed it is leanrt that"
-->
"When the evidence was analysed it was learnt that"

"whilst still a young teenager he'd seen Weather Balloons" --> weather balloons

"Larry's friend, Ron Richlin was also there to help things out and act as a 'ground crew' and the team proceeded"
-->
"Larry's friend, Ron Richlin was also there to help out and act as a 'ground crew', and the team proceeded"

"You never know there maybe just perhaps some actual grain of truthin it somewhere!"
-->
"You never know - there may just be some actual grain of truth in it somewhere!"

Alex

Awesome Entry

The thing that bothers me is the placement of the footnotes, many of the little numbers show up a space or so away from the word, which makes it look nasty. They should be right next to the words and inside the puncuation. Also, some of the actual footnotes at the bottom aren't capitalised or don't have periods.

That was my first nitpick

Sorry, I only skim PR threads, so I must have missed it.

Cheers guys...changes made!

I said I'd come back, so here I am Buckle yourself in

Urban myths and stories have been floating around e-mail systems and the internet for years.

Internet

Famous stories such as the JATO car crash1 regularly make us laugh but we all know that they are not true...or do we?

comma after laugh I think, just to add a pause when reading.

Step forward one Lawrence Richard Walters or as he became better known Lawn Chair Larry.

comma after Walters

Lawrence Richard Walters was born 19 April, 1949 he led a fairly uneventful normal life as a truck driver in southern California until the fateful day 2nd July, 1982.

and after 1949 - 2 July, 1982

Ever since he was a boy Larry had dreamed of flying but he'd been turned down from becoming a pilot by the US airforce due to his bad eyesight.

comma after flying - think it should be US Airforce

Larry planned to purchase some weather balloons and tie them on to one of his patio chairs2 and sail across to the Mojave desert 300 miles away.

Did he plan to sail across the Mojave desert, or to it - and if so across where? (think you just might need to reove the 'to', or the 'the'.)

So with the plan devised, Larry and his girlfriend Carol Van Deusen forged a requisition from the Filmfair studios and purchased 45 four-foot diameter weather balloons and necessary helium tanks from the California Toy Time Balloons store saying he needed them for an advertising shoot.

It's a long sentence and might be better split into two sections dealing with the forgery and then the purchase?

They return to Carol's house in San Pedro, California and started to set things up in her back yard.

return - returned

Larry's friend, Ron Richlin was also there to help out and act as 'ground crew', and the team proceeded to inflate the balloons with the helium and attach them to the patio chair.

comma after Richlin

He picked up an Airgun so that he'd be able to shoot the balloons when he needed lower himself back to the ground and a CB radio so that he could to talk to his ground crew.

Airgun - airgun, when he needed to lower himself, comma after ground

With the plans of a pleasant afternoon floating ahead Larry packed himself a few sandwiches, soft drinks3, even a camera and then strapped himself in.

plans - plan, comma after ahead, don't think you need 'even'. What did he strap himself into? (I know, but it would be better grammatically. He might have strapped himself into Carol...)

It’s not known whether it was Ron or Carol but at Larry's request one of his 'friends' then cut one of the two cords tethering the chair to Ron's Jeep.

If it's not known you can remove it completely and just begin the sentence - At Larry's request one of his 'friends'

All was OK for a while but then the other nylon tether snapped and Larry started to rise, but instead of a mere 1000 foot or so the balloons rapidly took Larry up to a lofty 16,000 feet4!

OK - okay, comma after while, fullstop at rise, (...rise. But instead of...)

As this fairly shocking development was happening Larry’s glasses fell off from his nose, fortunately he had a spare pair so simply radioed down to his ground team saying

A development and a happening are sort of the same thing, so it reads a little clunkily. How about 'At this fairly shocking development, Larry's glasses fell from his nose. Fortunately he had a spare pair, so simply radioed his ground team saying:'

In the REACT convo i'd substitute : with -, but that's justa style thing, so it's up to you

However things were not OK he'd been in the air for 45 minutes and at that altitude it is very cold, with planes flying around him Larry realised he needed to get back down to terra firma.

OK - okay. (add the fullstop) He'd been in the air...

He took the Airgun and shot out a couple of balloons this seemed to have the correct effect and Larry started to descend.

Airgun - airgun, fullstop after balloons. This seemed...

Larry hoped his descent would land him at the lawn of the Long Beach Country club but instead he came up short landing at 432 45th Street a residential neighbour hood in North Long Beach where his amateur aircraft finally settled on some high voltage power lines 10 miles from his starting point.

Larry hoped his descent would land him at the lawn of the Long Beach Country club, but instead he came up short. He landed at 432 45th Street, a residential neighbourhood in North Long Beach, where his amateur aircraft finally settled on some high voltage power lines 10 miles from his starting point.

With the reporters on Larry's tail a law needed to be found that Larry could be charged against and at the FAA hearing on the 17th December, 1982

charged against? charged with surely. then comma after with - 17 December, 1982

Timex watches based on 'adventurous individuals.'

fullstop after '

On the 6th October, 1993 Larry hiked to his favourite spot in the middle of the Angeles National Forest and committed suicide by shooting himself in the heart.

6 October, 1993

Perhaps the most famous item of the flight was the actual chair, Larry gave it to a young boy called Jerry who lived local to him and was intrested in his story.

fullstop at chair, intrested - interested

Long thought vanished7 the chair turned up some 20 years later in the same condition it had originally flown in. The now adult Jerry had contacted Mark Barry the owner of a website documenting Larry's famous flight and stated he still owned the chair with ballast water jugs still attached and was going to donate it Larry's mother.

comma after Barry and flight, this is also the first mention of ballast water jugs from memory, might need to add them in somewhere sooner

Footnotes

1 The story goes that once upon a time an Arizona State Highway police officer came upon a car wreck buried into the side of a hill miles away from the road. When the evidence was analysed it was learnt that the victim of the wreck is supposed to have strapped a military Jet Assisted Take Off rocket to the roof of his car for fun and then ignited it.

comma after fun

3 Some accounts state he took beer but this is probably just exaggerating on the story to make Larry's pre-planned scheme becoming simple drunken high jinks.

comma after beer, 'is probably just an exaggeration of the story, making Larry's pre-planned scheme look more like simple drunken high-jinks'.

5 Later Carol reported she had found his glasses, to which he replied 'Well, that's good news.'

comma after replied

6 Larry actually managed to drop his airgun during his descent, not during his ascent as many version of the story tell it!

version - versions

You've got a few of those curly apostrophes through the text too, pick 'em out, they make it look untidy

There ya go, I'm off to start pimping my banana lounge...

Cheers Matt a complete and thorough list of corrections as ever!

I think this ones finished with now unless anyone can spot anything else?

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Yay! To the Lofty Heights we go!

cool cheers guys...I must get on and write some new entries now as this being picked means I've not got anything going through PR now