From Small Beginnings

Originally a small principality on the River Dnieper, the Grand Duchy of Grosthez (Capital Grosth - population 31,901) was originally mentioned by Prof Hans Zimmerman in his masterly work "Insignificant Countries of the East" first published in the 18th Century.

By the final decade of the 20th Century Grosthez, under a succession of warlike monarchs, had built a sizeable continental Empire but was increasingly wracked by economic problems caused by too-fast expansion and a lack of natural resources.

The Beginning of the End

Finding itself in a prolonged economic downturn and facing ruin, Grosthez noted the generosity shown by the USA in rebuilding the countries it had fought in World War II. The then (and subsequently last) Grosthezian Emperor hits upon the idea of declaring war on the worlds greatest Military power, losing, and then reaping all the benefits of a Marshall Plan-style handout.

Grosthez subsequently builds a mighty Naval force of sea-going pedalos which are dispatched together with a contingent of Elite Cartoon Characters to invade the United States of America.

The invasion force under the command of the hapless Admiral "Bugs" Bunny fails due to a series of happenstances and misunderstandings. The elite Cartoon characters are routed in a clash with Cuban Nationalists and the pedaloes are impounded by the IRS. With the invasion going terribly wrong Emperor abdicates and sells the Empire to Wal-Mart.

The Ill-Fated Invasion

Led by Admiral "Bugs" Bunny a cousin of the Emperor, the Grosthezian forces set sail, waved off by the Emperor's glittering Court who were absolutely thrilled that things were going so terribly well despite the complete lack of experience and preparation for the voyage made beforehand. Hats and glasses were raised to the gallant crews .... saving that for some inexplicable reason the glasses seemed to be raised a great deal more often than the hats - a telling indictment on the mores and morals of the Grosthezian court at it's height.

The unfortunate sinking of the Exxon Valdez enroute was however a warning for the future that should have been heeded by Admiral Bunny and his senior staff. Having become accostomed to sweeping scandal under the carpet during his long reign perhaps the closeness of the Admiral to his Serene Highness was, in this case, not to the advantage of the Grosthezian cause.

According to survivors of the Grosthez Expeditionary Force The Emperor was only interested in ....

"seeing the Chaps out there keeping their peckers up, letting the fellows back home know how splendidly things were going from time to time, and not taking any Tommy-rot from those pesky Yankees"

As was proved to be the case this dangerous combination of over-confidence and lack of preparation was a reicipe for catastrophe !

The Fog of War - When Things Start to Go Pear-Shaped

Perhaps the Mutiny of the Hair Bear Bunch in mid-voyage was only to be expected. The harsh disciplinary hand of Admiral Bunny was deeply resented by almost all the expeditionary force with Chief Petty Officer Fudd especially active in fermenting discord and resentment amongst the crew. At Fudd's Court-Martial held after the debacle, he could only offer a defence that he thought it his duty to ....

"gwet wid of wascawy wabbits"

..... which seemed to make sense to no one at that time nor to Military Historians later on.

The occupation of the Hair-Bear Bunch at the blunt end of the flotilla's flagship or whatever it's called, was matched by Grosthezian Loyalists led by Lieutenants Yosemite Sam and Marvin the Martian who holed themselves up in the for'ard sleeping quarters and the galley. The imprisonment of the Admiral in his quarters with the entire Navy's rum supply dealt a mortal blow to any chance of retaking the ship and the resumption of the original mission.

With the original plan in tatters the pride of Grosthez limped sadly into Miami Harbour with the mutineers holding the Engine Room, the Wardroom and the Deck-Quoits. A small band of cowards cowered in the bridge fearing attack from either side, or both, at any time.

They offered no resistance to a welcoming flotilla of Cuban Nationalists who mistook them for refugee's.

Lessons Learnt

The Emperor's Master Plan focused on the implications of a basic conceit: Declare war on the United States (as did Japan and then Germany), lose the war, and then have your economy restored to greater health than ever before (e.g. Japan and Germany). The strategy fails due to the policy of recruiting cartoon characters of uncertain loyalty into the Grosthezian armed forces and an abject lack of preparation.

A once glorious Empire is reduced to penury and despite a loan by the International Monetary Fund and World Bank assistance is swiftly annexed by Wal-Mart within two years of the incident.

The whole unholy mess is seen by a single Deity somewhere atop a large mountain in Greece who brings it to the attention of his fellows.