A Conversation for The Idiot's Computer Dictionary
Vlad the Incompetent Started conversation Dec 2, 1999
Terrabyte - Falling on your face in the dirt
Fortran - America's running shoe respository.
E-Commerce - The Halifax branch of WHSmith.
IDE - A young orphan sent to live with her grumpy grandfather in the Swiss Alps.
Servlet - A dwarf waiter.
Degaussing - Opening the bedroom window after a particularly bad fart.
Researcher 103469 Posted Dec 4, 1999
Blue Screen of Death - What is normally seen when using Windows.
BeOS - A stinging insect that is good with computers
Subwoofer - A footrest
Joystick - Umm... sorry this is a family forum
Day Trade - Trading your Monday for a Friday or other such trade
Flopy Disk - Disks before Viagra
Hard Drive - Disks after Viagra
LAN - Lawyers Are Nicompoops
Power Strip - A striptease at high speed
Monitor - What the government does to you
Packet Loss - What the post office does regurly
PING - An early version of the game PONG
IP - First person term for what one does when they had to much water
Three Finger Salute - Common salute givin to Windows
Linux - How Linus from the Peanuts spelled his name
Power Surge - What happens after that 5th cup of morning coffee
RAM - (1)Animal with big curvy antlers (2) What one does with ones head into the desk after their computer crashes (3) SPECIFIC, what one does with ones head into the desk after Windows crashes
Cat - Pet used to turn off the power strip at the worst possible moment in time
GUI - Guys who are Ugly International
Download - What a baby does in its diapers
I am sure I could come up with more, but that should do it for now...
Brian A. Thomas
Researcher 103469 Posted Dec 4, 1999
Got to clear the one up...
The above Cat should be Cat-5
and I see the Hard Drive one was used already...
cthulhu Posted Dec 5, 1999
C - Big wavey wet thing
ADA - A bad name for your daughter
Python - A snake
Object Oriented - Materialistic
Keyboard - A wooden rack with hooks on which to hang your keys
Speaker - The guy talking at the front of the auditorium
USB - South America
EMACS - An unsucessful electrofied raincoat
PICO - A rare type of pokemon
Floppy Drive - The pelvic thrust of an impotent man
NE2000 - Not picky about which two thousand items to choose
PCI - One's eye when chopped into pieces
Menu - Document listing food and beverages available to order
Mouse Pointer - Pest Exterminator's assistant
Icon - Well respected individual
Dialog Box - A boxing match with excessive commentary
GNOME - Small subterranean humanoid creature
xterm - A person who has served a jail sentance
Internet Explorer - Worker to untangles fish caught in fishing net
CD Writer - Penthouse article author
RAID - Drug bust
Mouse Button - Device which triggers a mouse trap to fire
Scroll Wheel - Ancient device used to roll and unroll parchment
Scroll Bar - Where scribes went to drink in the middle ages
Scroll Lock - Wax seal used to identify sender of a document
Num Lock - Wrestling move
Pipe - Cylindrical tubing
Named pipe - A piece of cylindrical tubing with a name
FIFO - Second most popular name for dogs
Socket - Small sock
Packet - What one must do to a suit case
Data - The android from Star Trek
Bus - Unreliable public transport
SQL - (S'kew'el) Where kids hate going
Oracle - Wise person
Primary Key - The key to one's house
MySQL - My place of learning (see SQL)
PHP - Noise made by arrow striking target
SMTP - Special type of American Indian tent
SSH - Be quiet
Researcher 11546 Posted Dec 5, 1999
IRQ - what someone does when they slightly upset you "Irk you".
Zak T Duck Posted Dec 6, 1999
Thanks everyone. I'm in the process of updating the page again.
VIC-20 : Like WD-40 for your nose.
Key Lock: What other sort is there?
Caps Lock: The bit of elastic that goes under your chin.
GNU: Big, hairy, hard to control.
Static RAM: Dead male sheep.
Dynamic RAM: Male sheep on Angel Dust.
DRAM: Make mine a large one! (*HIC*)
Surge Protector: Condom.
Hot Swap: Large group sharing an Indian Take-away.
Numeric Co-Processor: Abacus.
WORM Drive: Plough.
Resolution: "I will buy a better monitor".
Green Motherboard: Your computer is damp.
WYSIWYG: 22 points in "Scrabble".
(That's all for the moment...)
Zak T Duck Posted Dec 13, 1999
Thanks very much. They've been added to the page and I've changed the look of the page a bit.
Bluebottle Posted May 25, 2000
Key: Complain about this post
- 1: Vlad the Incompetent (Dec 2, 1999)
- 2: Researcher 103469 (Dec 4, 1999)
- 3: Researcher 103469 (Dec 4, 1999)
- 4: cthulhu (Dec 5, 1999)
- 5: Researcher 11546 (Dec 5, 1999)
- 6: Zak T Duck (Dec 6, 1999)
- 7: Peet (the Pedantic Punctuation Policeman, Muse of Lateral Programming Ideas, Eggcups-Spurtle-and-Spoonswinner, BBC Cheese Namer & Zaphodista) (Dec 12, 1999)
- 8: Zak T Duck (Dec 13, 1999)
- 9: Bluebottle (May 25, 2000)