h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The massed band of the Nempnett Thrubwell Pipers may be lacking in numbers (only eleven of them), but they more than make up for it in enthusiasm. I just wish they wouldn't practise so early in the morning.
Some bright spark read that there is an island in Scotland that doesn't recognise the Gregorian Calendar, and so is several days behind the rest of us. Never ones to miss an opportunity, the Pipers have decided to hold 'the First Hogmanay of the New Millennium' next week in sympathy with the islanders. Twisted logic here, I feel. Nevertheless, despite torturing us last Friday, the Pipers are practising hard for their next outing.
Pass the earplugs, please......

*hands over ear-plugs*

Hate, my dear, is for war and pollution. The trick with bagpipes is to use the simple
law of physics which states that sound decreases as the distance from the sound
increases. Simply move yourself until you are the right distance to enjoy them.
Of course there is the slim possibility that you are of some race which has,
in the past, simply been terrified by the appearance of the Scot warrier. If this is so,
there is little you can do to stop the feral shaking.

yes new zealand is probably a fairly safe distance for the enjoyment of bagpipe music played in scotland... but where can you go if they're playing them in new zealand? space?

Canada might be all right. We no longer have bag pipes here, except at local
scottish festivals at which my husband refuses to pay,( indicating his Scots
ancestry). The traffic is now awful. There are Scots from the strangest places.

The only possible reason for your hatred of bagpipes is some ingrained fear of them brought on by your ancestors being defeated
in long ago battles with the sound of bagpipes ringing in their ears. Needless to say you must be English.

Obviously a Sassenach with a deprived (depraved?) upbringing who has no concept of the finer points of the pipers' art. The whole purpose
of the piping profession is to expend so much energy in the execution(?) of the pibroch that large quantities of the Water of Life are required to resuscitate the piper. The enjoyment or otherwise of those unfortunate enough to be listening is neither here nor there.
Fortunately, in the large majority of cases those listening have previously fortified themselves with the same elixir as thos participating so a guid nicht is generally had by all except Sassenachs without the sense to similarly prepare themselves!


Jim Craig

or a deep ingrained fear of being attacked by a genetically mutated cross between an octopus a mosquito and a hamstrung parrot that's fallen in a puddle of acid...

None of you gits realise the true motivation behind the pipes.
Didn't you ever stop to think about why they are played?
(Well if you did, you really are a git since you obviously can't think and walk @ the same time... The reason is actually in your own arguments. The piper is actually trying to get rid of people from his/her immediate vicinity; whether you consider "immediate" to be 1metre away, or half way round the planet is up to you.

The power of the pipes was realised early on in its history (quite a long time ago now...especially in dog years) and was consequently used on the battlefield with astonishing results. The enemy would spend the most important part of the battle (the part just before you get stabbed) wishing they were in New Zealand, then, as they die would lay in amazement, wondering how they could actually wish they were in New Zealand....