The Further Adventures of Rob the Carpet
I stayed offline for just a few hours
When I came back to a load of flowers.
'Are they for me?' I dared to say.
'No, they're for Rob, but he's gone away!'
'Rob the Carpet has gone? Where?'
'Don't ask us! He's gone out there!
Well! It seems he wanted a modelling career;
So he's run to the bright lights of London, we hear.'
Weeks later, the magazines begin to show
Rob the Carpet, his threads all aglow!
Sprawled over him are Cindy, Naomi and Kate.
Then he's seen draped over his latest date!
I did cry and wail all through the night.
The next morning I looked such a sight!
My makeup had smeared, mascara run;
At the window a photographer from the Sun!
He said, 'Come on lil! Don't be moody!
Do you know Rob's making a movie?
It's going to be his life's story!
Seems he's going for all the glory!'
'Come on lil, don't be in a mood!'
Sorry, but my answer was rather rude!
I closed the curtains to get dressed,
Putting out my Sunday best.
Reporters followed me in the street,
Taking shots of those I went to meet!
My friends began to shy away...
This was no good, I really must say!
I certainly wasn't putting up with that.
So off I went and bought me a new Matt!
He is nice and smooth, not full of bumps.
He lies flat on the floor; this Matt never clumps.
This Matt is loyal; he's nice and clean.
I'm never ashamed for him to be seen.
So Matt the new Matt is my comfort.
I shall drag him around as my new consort!