Driving In New Jersey
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
Driving in New Jersey can be a life affirming experience, but you must approach it in the right way. Remember that the people waving at you are probably angry at you, not to mention angry that they are actually living in New Jersey. Note that if they only use one finnger they are VERY angry.
In North Jersey (near the Airport and in the vicinity of NYC) people on the road care about only four things. 1. Getting to their destination as fast as possible. 2.Running you off the road because they are on the phone talking to their friends about how inconsiderate drivers from "The City" are. 3. Fixing/applying makeup (women only -usually-) 4. 1. Getting to their destination as fast as possible.
In South Jersey (everywhere else) people on the road care about only one thing, being thankful that they don't have to drive thru North Jersey very much.
Things to remember while driving in New Jersey
1. The toll plazas on the Garden State Parkway every 5 miles are TEMPORARY. Temporary in this context has the same meaning as the word "soon" does in the following sentence. The Universe will, soon, implode into a massive event at the end of time called The Big Crunch.
2. When you see an emergency vehicle approaching you from behind it is OK to ignore them and just speed up.
3. When you see an emergency vehicle approaching you from another direction at an intersection it is considered poor form to slow down and let them through. As the kind folks behind you will tell you.
4. "Jug-handles" make driving in New Jersey EASIER. No really!
5. Contrary to the motto of the Guide, most drivers in New Jersey operate on the motto "Always Panic!"
In North Jersey (near the Airport and in the vicinity of NYC) people on the road care about only four things. 1. Getting to their destination as fast as possible. 2.Running you off the road because they are on the phone talking to their friends about how inconsiderate drivers from "The City" are. 3. Fixing/applying makeup (women only -usually-) 4. 1. Getting to their destination as fast as possible.
In South Jersey (everywhere else) people on the road care about only one thing, being thankful that they don't have to drive thru North Jersey very much.
Things to remember while driving in New Jersey
1. The toll plazas on the Garden State Parkway every 5 miles are TEMPORARY. Temporary in this context has the same meaning as the word "soon" does in the following sentence. The Universe will, soon, implode into a massive event at the end of time called The Big Crunch.
2. When you see an emergency vehicle approaching you from behind it is OK to ignore them and just speed up.
3. When you see an emergency vehicle approaching you from another direction at an intersection it is considered poor form to slow down and let them through. As the kind folks behind you will tell you.
4. "Jug-handles" make driving in New Jersey EASIER. No really!
5. Contrary to the motto of the Guide, most drivers in New Jersey operate on the motto "Always Panic!"
