How to Survive in a Men's Bathroom
Created | Updated Jun 2, 2007
an H2G2 entry by ProudwartThe men's bathroom is a black hole of all that would invariably be features prominently in the Land where Bacterium are Eternally Blessed. Unflushed toilets, rusted faucets, portabello mushrooms growing on the tile; undoubtably not the most spiffing place to breakdance.1 However, there are ways to somewhat ward off the platoons of elite germ guerrilla warriors that reside in every cubic millimeter of putrid air: with these five easy2 steps, you too will not have as drastic a life expectancy decrease from setting toe in one of these pits of utmost filth.
Step 1: SUPPORT FOOTWEAR COMPANIES!By wearing shoes. Big, rubber, wading-in-piranha-infested river-type boots are the best, though in a pinch you can swath your feet and calves with duct tape. Remember to boil shoes after usage.
Step 2: AND GARDENING COMPANIES!!By wearing gloves. Again, big, rubber, rummaging-through-a-tub-of-ulus-to-locate-a-misplaced-rabid-mongoose-type, duct tape if those are scarce, boil after.
Step 3: AND NOXIOUS FUME WARDING COMPANIES!!!By wearing a gas mask. Make sure that it has eye lenses, preferably bullet-proof3.
Step 4: AND NASA!!!!Ah, heck, just wear a space suit.
Step 5: BUT NOT THE IDEA OF PUBLIC RESTROOMS!!!!!On second (or rather fifth) thought, just hold it and wait to get home.
Man, what a lame ending.
1 NOTE: This does not apply to all. Most, though.2For the immeasurably wealthy,that is.3And wear some earplugs, so no mutant gelatinous alien fiends suck your brain out. It happens all the time. Really.
