Wizards: a (badly-written) essay on this most odd of species
Created | Updated Jan 28, 2002
There are only a handfull of the species known who's name starts with "homo". Homo Sapiens is believed to be the
only one existant today, as the other commonly known of these races are technicaly our ancestors. However, many
more do, in fact, exist. Right now. Some of them live in our very society, yet are not noticed simply because of their
similarity to the human race. One of the least known of these types is the Wizard, Homo Magicus.
Wizards, dispite what skeptics (Homo Doubtabus) would claim, do exist. They are merely reclusive, due to the fact
that they took offence when a religion (which shall not be named here) declared their view that any supernatrual power
not derived from their deity was gotten from a evil counter-deity that this religion disliked. The reason that wizards so
collectively hated this opinion was that they didn't like the counter-deity ethier, and that this caused the religion in question
to start to hunt them down. As well as call a lot of them "witches", and they hated that too.
Recently, the explorations by fantasy writers (Homo Scriptorus Fantasticus) have found the places that these wizards hide,
and have started their own communications with them. The standard Homo Sapiens, however, is completely incapable of
the modes of travel required to access these places, and therefore it is commonly thought that the fantasy writers are all making
it up. They have made no effort to explain what is really going on, however, because such explanations would be tedious.
There are many diffrent races of wizard. The first race of wizard many hear of, mainly because they are written about in
children's books a lot, are the Homo Magicus Wandus. This type of wizard is characterized by the small, about one foot
long stick of wood that they rely on in order to cast spells (usualy of the Arcanus Simplicitus species *). Examples of this type
of wizard are such like those found in the "Harry Potter" books, recently recorded by the writer J.K. Rowling.
The second type of wizard is a bit more common. This race, Homo Magicus Librarius, can be easily identifyed by the
massive amounts of time they spend reading from books of "magical knowledge." This is because of a odd nature of the
spells they prefer to cast (normaly Arcanus Awesomus), states that when they cast one of their spells, it somehow flees their
mind. Why this happens is completely unknown, as despite the fact many of them are old, their memories are fine. They can also be regonised by their almost invariable affinity to fireballs and lightning bolts. This species is very familiar to those who play the game "Dungeons and Dragons", as it was created by the only known non-writer to have found a hideing place of wizards (as well as a number of other things. How, however, is currently beyond us.) A sub-race of these, Homo Magicus Librarius Oddicus, have been discovered by the fantasy traveler "Terry Pratchett" on an odd semi-planet known as the Discworld (for more information about this odd place, look in one of the entries named "Discworld." The writer of this essay strongly recommends doing so, as the recordings made of the Discworld are great reading material.)
A third type of wizard is the Homo Magicus Stavus. This is quite like the Homo Magicus Wandus race, though with staves
instead of wands, and more often recorded in books other than those aimed at under-12-year-olds. They also have the capacity to cast Arcanus Powerfulus spells as well as those of the Arcanus Simplicitus race.
Other wizardly races exist, but not currently known by the writer of this essay. Studies are going on of the Homo Magicus Tolkienus race. However, wizards, as a general rule, are somewhat rare. This is because there are a good amount more male wizards than
female ones. Though no one knows how this genderal imbalance came to be, it seems somewhat less pronounced in the Homo Magicus Wandus race.
*: Yes, a spell (in fact, magic in general) is technicaly a living thing, and therefore is classified in such a way.
only one existant today, as the other commonly known of these races are technicaly our ancestors. However, many
more do, in fact, exist. Right now. Some of them live in our very society, yet are not noticed simply because of their
similarity to the human race. One of the least known of these types is the Wizard, Homo Magicus.
Wizards, dispite what skeptics (Homo Doubtabus) would claim, do exist. They are merely reclusive, due to the fact
that they took offence when a religion (which shall not be named here) declared their view that any supernatrual power
not derived from their deity was gotten from a evil counter-deity that this religion disliked. The reason that wizards so
collectively hated this opinion was that they didn't like the counter-deity ethier, and that this caused the religion in question
to start to hunt them down. As well as call a lot of them "witches", and they hated that too.
Recently, the explorations by fantasy writers (Homo Scriptorus Fantasticus) have found the places that these wizards hide,
and have started their own communications with them. The standard Homo Sapiens, however, is completely incapable of
the modes of travel required to access these places, and therefore it is commonly thought that the fantasy writers are all making
it up. They have made no effort to explain what is really going on, however, because such explanations would be tedious.
There are many diffrent races of wizard. The first race of wizard many hear of, mainly because they are written about in
children's books a lot, are the Homo Magicus Wandus. This type of wizard is characterized by the small, about one foot
long stick of wood that they rely on in order to cast spells (usualy of the Arcanus Simplicitus species *). Examples of this type
of wizard are such like those found in the "Harry Potter" books, recently recorded by the writer J.K. Rowling.
The second type of wizard is a bit more common. This race, Homo Magicus Librarius, can be easily identifyed by the
massive amounts of time they spend reading from books of "magical knowledge." This is because of a odd nature of the
spells they prefer to cast (normaly Arcanus Awesomus), states that when they cast one of their spells, it somehow flees their
mind. Why this happens is completely unknown, as despite the fact many of them are old, their memories are fine. They can also be regonised by their almost invariable affinity to fireballs and lightning bolts. This species is very familiar to those who play the game "Dungeons and Dragons", as it was created by the only known non-writer to have found a hideing place of wizards (as well as a number of other things. How, however, is currently beyond us.) A sub-race of these, Homo Magicus Librarius Oddicus, have been discovered by the fantasy traveler "Terry Pratchett" on an odd semi-planet known as the Discworld (for more information about this odd place, look in one of the entries named "Discworld." The writer of this essay strongly recommends doing so, as the recordings made of the Discworld are great reading material.)
A third type of wizard is the Homo Magicus Stavus. This is quite like the Homo Magicus Wandus race, though with staves
instead of wands, and more often recorded in books other than those aimed at under-12-year-olds. They also have the capacity to cast Arcanus Powerfulus spells as well as those of the Arcanus Simplicitus race.
Other wizardly races exist, but not currently known by the writer of this essay. Studies are going on of the Homo Magicus Tolkienus race. However, wizards, as a general rule, are somewhat rare. This is because there are a good amount more male wizards than
female ones. Though no one knows how this genderal imbalance came to be, it seems somewhat less pronounced in the Homo Magicus Wandus race.
*: Yes, a spell (in fact, magic in general) is technicaly a living thing, and therefore is classified in such a way.
