h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Everybody feels the same way. This is why the same party has stayed in power for so damn long. The one person who turns out to vote is the wife or husband of the local candidate, and so they win with a clear majority. Everyone else has the intelligence to stay in the shade of the pub...

BTW, I read something about a former Oz Prime Minister the other day. While this guy was campaigning in his local constituency, a bloke in the crowd yelled out 'I wouldn't vote for you if you were the Archangel Gabriel!' Unperturbed, the politician shouted back 'If I were the Archangel Gabriel, you wouldn't be in my constituency, mate!' Genius. Insult your electorate...

Necr

It definately isn't from one of our present bunch of incompetents, none of them would be quick enough to come up with a retort like that.

I blame it all on their lack of beer drinking personally. How can you trust someone that doesn't drink

One time a few years ago I took a short flight in the USA in first clas on a small plane. There was only one row of 1st class seats, and it was the only seat available - hence I got it. I sat next to a lobbyist and across from us in the isle occupying the entire row was one of the largest men I have seen. They got him an "extension belt to strap him in". He was a Senator. Then these guys proceeded to devour screwdrivers (the vodka kind) before the plane began it's taxi. Perhaps this is one of the secrets to political success?

I had a beer (or two).

Well it certainly explains where some of their policies come from.

We've got a few like that here too, but i think it is more a food belly than a beer belly. If they drank beer there wouldn't be so much tax on it

Too true, old boy, too true. Did you notice that, when Kenneth Clarke was Chancellor of the Exchequor, taxes on spirits and cigars stayed low? Now all we need is a Chancellor who drinks petrol...

Or the removal of petrol from the list of things that MP's can claim expenses on.

They can't drink beer; it's too close to popular opinion. Everybody knows that politicians will sit and listen to everything that the public has to say, and then ignore it. Added to which, the only old-style Labour MP's still around are either a) running for Mayor of London, or b) permantently in one of the many bars at the Palace of Westminster, drowning their sorrows and muttering in slurred phrases about the price of beer and why aren't MP's doing something about it...

Necr

Too true, old boy, too true. Did you notice that, when Kenneth Clarke was Chancellor of the Exchequor, taxes on spirits and cigars stayed low? Now all we need is a Chancellor who drinks petrol...

Or the removal of petrol from the list of things that MP's can claim expenses on.

They can't drink beer; it's too close to popular opinion. Everybody knows that politicians will sit and listen to everything that the public has to say, and then ignore it. Added to which, the only old-style Labour MP's still around are either a) running for Mayor of London, or b) permantently in one of the many bars at the Palace of Westminster, drowning their sorrows and moaning in slurred phrases about the price of beer and why aren't MP's doing something about it...

Necr

I see that we appear to be following the adage that where there's beer there's politics

Now, who wants to discuss the reform of the House of Lords?

Well Old Squiffy and I were discussing this over a G&T in the Club Lounge the other evening. Unfortunately my gout was playing up and the old riding injury was playing havoc with my hearing, but I think we agreed to abolish these upstart Commons. The sooner we get back to tax colection at sword point the better I say. Phwaw, phwaw, pass the port old chum

Possibly the best case for the abolishment of the House of Lords. However, tax collection at swordpoint has a certain appeal, simply because you can then recollect your taxes later on, also at swordpoint...

However, the downside to abolishing the second House of British politics is the amount of free rein that would give Tony Blair. Or, come to think of it, William Hague...

Actually, the local extention of the sixth-form common room (it is more usually known as The Avenue, a public house in Whitley Bay. What? Yes, the place off that programme that was on the other night. It isn't really that licentious. No really, they were just a select minority of women. Besides which, most of them were either over thirty-five or under sixteen, so no legal nubile young women there...) talks very little about politics. Usually we talk about just how badly Paul Bourne sounds through the karaoke on a Friday night after he's had a few...

Necr

The Uk is actually breaking EC law by not reducing it's beer and spirit tax. And it's not the only country in the EC to do so.

Oh definately NO to abolishing the second house, we just need one not built on the deeds of Great (*5) Uncle Harolds exploits. They do get to wear funky robes though.
Would our Canadian/Australian(insert two housed democracy here) friends care to explain how their upper chamber (if you'll pardon the expression) works. Ta.

Oh, and while I'm here, I have an article on things beer has done to me at http://www.h2g2.com/A250967 If you could peruse it and make suitable comments, sugestions for additions, I would be most grateful and might let you join my club. Ta.

In Australia our upper house doesnt work and the people in it don't work either.

Neither of the major parties has a majority so all legislation is passed by coming to some dodgy arrangement with whoever holds the balance of power.

At one stage it was held by an absolute loon with a combination of vaguely socialist leaning social policy combined with a large dose of right wing religious fanaticism.

And people wonder why we drink so much beer...........

I have heard a theory that beer is the cause of Western Civilisation (and subsequent lack thereof).

Apparently, the ancient ancestors of Sumerians or some such dudes rather liked to get a buzz on. This they did by brewing up a primitive beer from fermented grain malt. As it took a while to find and get grain, and prepare it, it was a rather special priviledge.

To get more tipple, these ancient dudes figured out they need to apply their noggins and find ways to increase grain supply. This was achieved through organised agriculture. To sow and grow grains, these people could not just wander around all over the place, and had to start farms. To keep and run the farm to make the beer, permanent communities sprung up - villages, towns cities, politicians then advertising executives where soon to evolve.

This is why beer and politics go together - WIthout beer there may be no politicians, television, cheap hamburgers or game show hosts. There would be no Parthenon, Roman Empire, Cinquieme Republic, British N. America, EC farm subsidies, NAFTA etc. but there would possibly still be those big heads on Easter Island.

True, they would have to be drug inspired i would have thought...

For a brief history of beer, check out this article
http://www.h2g2.com/A190289

I think EC farm subsidies and NAFTA were, yes.

Wasn't there a "museum beer" sold at high prices for charity at the British Museum or somewhere based on the ancient Egyptian recipe?

On the other side of the Atlantic, the Aztecs made pulque "beer" from cactus, and in the far East - well I suppose rice was used but then they have all of these narcotic plants, and seem to have had a very mellow philosophy somehow.

I suppose the roots of beer are African, but as it is known today is an ancient European thing - probably due to the need to store it - and hence inventing carbonation and aging, adding spices like spruce, heather, hops, etc.

Ancient civilisations in America fermented other things - like pulque, another drink was made with fermented corn (the fermentation is started with human saliva) in Mexico and central America, similar things in S. America. If you are lucky enough to socialise with some of the ancient communities that still make saliva-fermented booze, you are expected to share in a drink of it - I've heard it tastes a bit weird, but it gets you a bit tipsy - and you'll probably have a good laff with your hosts.

Thanks for the tip Pastey. No wonder i'm addicted, its all genetic !!!!

Although i thought the ancient brew was actually very low in alcohol, but i guess it would never have been so popular in the first place if that was the case.

As far as strange decisions by politicians go, i think the problem might be that they dont write the solutions down while they are still in the pub, and when they try to remember it the next day they forget all the important bits and all you have left is a policy

Forgetting important bits seems to be a popular policy - like the Ronny Reagan defence - this further suggests a connection between alcohol consumption, blackouts and politics.

Well at least they don't smoke. Thats another source of popular opinion and money.