h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

For the scientific amongst you.......


Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam Sonofgod
Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 kg; isotopes vary
from 40 - 200 kg
Occurrence:
Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
Surface usually covered with thin painted film
-Boils at room Temperature
-Freezes without any known reason
-Melts if given special treatment
-Bitter if incorrectly used
-Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal
to common ore -Ductile
-Yields to pressure applied at correct points

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
-Have great affinity for gold, silver and a range of
precious stones -Absorbs great quantities of
expensive substances
-May explode spontaneously without prior warning
and for no known reason
-Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by
saturation in alcohol
-Most powerful money reducing agent known to
man

COMMON USES:
-Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars -Can
be a great aid to relaxation
-Very effective cleaning agent

TESTS:
-Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in
natural state -Turns green when placed beside a
better specimen

POTENTIAL HAZARDS:
-Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
-Illegal to posses more than one, although several
can be maintained at different locations as long as
specimens does not come into direct contact with
each other

!!! WARNING !!!
PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT
CAN CAUSE SEVERE FINANCIAL
HEMORRHAGING AND MENTAL DISTRESS.

BE CAUTIOUS !!!


Gedge

Lol, do you know there was I thinking that there was another Mendelev (that may be a composer not the periodic table bloke so I apologise amongst us and now I'm quite confused as I feel I should take a stand against this but I actually found it really funny so errr, hmmm

Well done Gedge.

I've seen that one before.. but I also saw one done for men and one for children.... you wouldn't have either of them would you?

Now why on earth would he want to do a thing like that.