Cider: What's good and what's not
Created | Updated Feb 6, 2002
Long reviled for its associations with yokels, Gloucestershire and gastro-enteritus, and widely considered by many to be a girly drink, it seems to me that cider deserves a wider audience. And so to this end I present a concise and totally objective guide to the ciders I have encountered in my travels.
The first and best thing about cider is that as it's a fruit-based drink it passes through the stomach wall more quickly than most beers and spirits. Which in layman's terms means you can get off your face much more cheaply and quickly. (I have even seen Australians refuse to touch the stuff.)
On the whole there are two sorts of cider, sweet and dry. The main thing to keep in mind is that Dry Cider is great and Sweet Cider is horrible. Don't bother with sweet unless a) there's no dry available and b) it's free.
Absolutely the best dry cider in the universe is Str*ngb*w which is light and clear and delightfully sardonic and I recommend it wholeheartedly.
If you can't find any of that W**dp*ck*r is okay if a bit on the sweet side. I have been told it smells of meths but so what (and I bet my source was lying anyway).
C*d*rm*st*r tends towards the harsh and abrasive and so is not for the sensitive palate.
For the connoisseur, *ddl*st*n*s is a particularly interesting cloudy cider with an intriguing tang of.... nobody can work out what, at least nobody I know, which come to think of it could explain its charm.
Scr*mpy J*ck is a strong, fearless brand which goes particularly well with pizza.
I have seen various super-strong home-brewed ciders which all had bits floating in them. I tended to steer clear just in case. A while ago I was given a jug of something called Cr*ppl* C*ck extra-strong but sadly I can't comment on it as my brother-in-law's Auntie drank the lot on Boxing Day 1998.
You must at all costs avoid Dry Bl*ckth*rn as it is the brew of the Devil and is vile and nasty and, if a novice, may put you off the blessed juice of the apple forever. So be careful!
The first and best thing about cider is that as it's a fruit-based drink it passes through the stomach wall more quickly than most beers and spirits. Which in layman's terms means you can get off your face much more cheaply and quickly. (I have even seen Australians refuse to touch the stuff.)
On the whole there are two sorts of cider, sweet and dry. The main thing to keep in mind is that Dry Cider is great and Sweet Cider is horrible. Don't bother with sweet unless a) there's no dry available and b) it's free.
Absolutely the best dry cider in the universe is Str*ngb*w which is light and clear and delightfully sardonic and I recommend it wholeheartedly.
If you can't find any of that W**dp*ck*r is okay if a bit on the sweet side. I have been told it smells of meths but so what (and I bet my source was lying anyway).
C*d*rm*st*r tends towards the harsh and abrasive and so is not for the sensitive palate.
For the connoisseur, *ddl*st*n*s is a particularly interesting cloudy cider with an intriguing tang of.... nobody can work out what, at least nobody I know, which come to think of it could explain its charm.
Scr*mpy J*ck is a strong, fearless brand which goes particularly well with pizza.
I have seen various super-strong home-brewed ciders which all had bits floating in them. I tended to steer clear just in case. A while ago I was given a jug of something called Cr*ppl* C*ck extra-strong but sadly I can't comment on it as my brother-in-law's Auntie drank the lot on Boxing Day 1998.
You must at all costs avoid Dry Bl*ckth*rn as it is the brew of the Devil and is vile and nasty and, if a novice, may put you off the blessed juice of the apple forever. So be careful!
