A crisp white covering of snow lay on the ground. Slowly, fluffy white flakes landed, and everything seemed quiet and still, a stark contrast to the inside of Santa's workshop. Brightly clothed elves were busily rushing about carrying toys, wrapping them up in gaily coloured paper and bright ribbon. There in the middle of the bustle sat Santa.

He was sitting at his desk looking down over a rather long list that had NICE written at the top of it. (oh and don't worry I saw your name on that very list ). In front of the desk stood a small elf, his hat was cocked at a jaunty angle and he was wearing a bright yellow badge which said 'Official List Keeper'(that means he was the official keeper of lists). Santa looked up at the elf and frowned. Immediately the elf ran round to Santa's side, trying to peer at the list.

'What is it?' questioned the elf. 'Someone on there who shouldn't be?'

Santa frowned again at the elf. 'No' Santa answered 'The list is fine'

The elf looked a little cross. 'Then what are you frowning at?'

'You' Santa simply replied

'Me?' squeaked the elf, fearing he had done something wrong. He blinked; maybe Santa had found out about the incident with the cling film on the toilet.

'Yes' Santa replied, concerned. 'You seem to be covered in spots.'

The elf squeaked once more and rushed over to the mirror. Santa was
right! The poor elf was covered in small red spots. The elf squeaked again. (Yes the squeaking was becoming a bit of a habit.) Santa's voice boomed across the workshop, 'Someone get Doc please'. No sooner had he said it, when an elderly elf appeared at his side.

Santa jumped a little at the sight of the old elf. He could never quite get used to them appearing suddenly, as if out of thin air. 'Ah Doc, Rad here seems to have caught some spots.' explained Santa.

Doc walked over to Rad, who was by now a jabbering, shivering wreck as he had discovered more and more spots. Doc took out his special glasses, popped them on the end of his nose and examined Rad's spots very carefully.

Rad started to whimper, he'd never been ill in his life, and he couldn't be ill now, not at the busiest time of the year.

'Ummmmm yes' Said Doc 'I know what this is, very contagious. We're going to have to isolate him, Santa.'

Rad started to panic. What was wrong with him that was so bad he had to be isolated?! 'Calm down young elf.' Doc gave Rad a stern look. 'You're fine you just have a case of reindeer pox.'

'Reindeer pox?' asked Santa, puzzled.

'Yes' answered Doc, still examining the eruption that used to be Rad's face. 'It's not serious. He'll be as right as rain in a fortnight.'

'But... but... but...' Stammered Rad, 'Christmas will be over in a
fortnight!'

'Oh Rad, we can cope. We've been down more than one elf before now.'
chuckled Santa.

Just at that moment two elves appeared, dressed in isolation suits and wheeling along a gurney that was enclosed in a bubble. 'But I feel fine!' protested Rad as the two elves lifted him on to the gurney and zipped him into the bubble.

Rad sat on his bed in full misery. He was going to miss Christmas, it
was so unfair. He fiddled with the buttons on his pyjamas (I want to make it clear here that he was fiddling with the buttons that you fasten, not some magical buttons that do magical things that just happened to magically appear on his magical pyjamas), worrying about his lists and other various things. Worse still was that he was going to miss all the celebrations. Just at that moment Doc came in to check over Rad's spots.

'Am I better yet?' Asked Rad hopefully.

'No Rad, the spots have to get crusty before you'll be allowed out of the infirmary I'm afraid', answered Doc.

Rad sighed and watched the nurses wheel two more spotty elves into the infirmary. They scowled at Rad, not best pleased that they had caught his reindeer pox. Day by day more and more elves were brought into the infirmary. Doc and the nurses were rushed off their feet

The day before Christmas eve the infirmary was packed with sick elves and Santa visited. Doc rushed up to him shooing him out, explaining that
the last thing they needed was for Santa to get sick, too. Where would they be then? But it was too late. Santa showed Doc some spots that had appeared on his cheeks and arms. 'Oh dear, oh dear', worried Doc 'this will never do. Who will deliver the presents?'

'I'll have to do it of course' replied Santa.

'Oh but you can't.' answered Doc, horrified. 'You'll pass on the pox to all the children and then they'll all be sick for Christmas. That would be terrible. Oh no, we can't have that.'

Santa sighed, 'But the children won't get any presents if I don't
deliver them and that surely would be worse than the pox.'

Oh dear, oh dear, thought Rad. This was all his fault. He'll be forever known as the elf who ruined Christmas. Despondently he burrowed himself deep within his bed and started to sob.

The day soon rolled around to Christmas eve morning and by now most of the elves were in the infirmary along with Santa. Rad was beside himself (Yes that is a neat trick that only elves can perform). What with Santa and most of the elves in the infirmary what was going to happen to Christmas?

Just then Doc came bustling in to the infirmary, took one look at Rad and beamed the biggest grin Rad had ever seen. It made a change from everyone scowling at him at least. Doc made his way over to Rad and popped his arm around Rad's shoulder

'Well Rad, it's all down to you now.' said Doc cryptically.

Rad frowned. 'What is?'

'Why, ensuring that Christmas isn't spoilt for thousands upon thousands of children!' answered Doc.

Rad was beginning to think that Doc had been at the cooking sherry. 'But I'm ill and you said I couldn't go anywhere', said a confused Rad.

Doc turned Rad towards the mirror 'Not anymore.'

Rad could see that all his spots had now gone crusty and some had even disappeared completely. Rad was so happy, he did a little jig! Then
reality set in. (No he did not suddenly start watching
'I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here' or 'Big Brother', although I am told Rad has quite an affection for Davina McCall. Aggghhhhhh! Now look, you're side tracking me! Now where was I? Oh yes, it meant he suddenly realised the responsibility that was now on his shoulders.) 'But I'm just one elf!' wailed Rad, 'How can I possibly save all those children from having a terrible Christmas?'

Doc chuckled. 'Why, you'll do it how Santa does it of course, with the help of Rudolph and the other reindeer.' (What? You were expecting me to name all the reindeer? Can you? *waits* *files his nails* *paints the bathroom* *landscapes the garden* Hah! Thought not! Not so clever now are we, ? They are: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Donner, Blitzen, Cupid and Comet)

'But I don't know how to drive reindeer', cried Rad.

Doc laughed again. 'Neither does Santa. That's Rudolph's job, so you see you'll be fine.'

Doc led Rad down to the stables and helped him to prepare the reindeer. They loaded up the sleigh until it was fit to burst. Then Rad clambered aboard, nervously holding onto the reins.

'Oh are we ready?' shouted Rudolph. (Yes Rudolph can talk. I can't believe you didn't know that! You'll be telling me next that you didn't know he was rather partial to custard creams. What you didn't know that either? My God what's wrong with you?!?!) Rad nodded slowly. 'Tally HO!' shouted Rudolph again, and with a slip and a slide, and a shiver and a shake, and a clatter of hooves the sleigh took off.

Rad held on tight. He was so scared. The reindeer seemed to travel at
the speed of light. (You knew that right? I mean you would have to be
pretty thick not to. How else could he possibly deliver to all the children in the world in one night?) They started to descend to the first house, with a jolt they landed on the roof.

'Right', said Rudolph, 'you have to go down the chimney.'

'Hang on, how do I know which presents to take?' asked Rad in a panic. Just at that moment a pile of presents flew out of the sleigh and hit Rad on the back of the head. 'Owwwwwwwww!!!!' cried Rad in pain as the presents hit him one by one. No wonder Santa drank so much sherry when he was out on his rounds, thought Rad. It must be to numb the pain.

He slowly made his way over to the chimney, just about managing to
balance the presents. He took one look at the chimney and was just about to ask how he was supposed to fit down it, when he felt himself being squeezed into it. All of a sudden he found himself standing in the fireplace, eye to eye with a very large dog. 'Erm nice doggy', whispered Rad. The dog sniffed Rad and growled menacingly. 'Oh dear', squeaked Rad. He then made a very rash decision indeed; he estimated the distance from the fireplace to the Christmas tree and back again and decided to make a run for it. What Rad had not considered was A) he was carrying a large amount of gifts, B) there was a wrinkle in the fireside rug and C) the dog was faster as it had 4 legs and Rad only had the 2. So Rad started to run, tripped over the wrinkle in the rug and promptly got bitten on the bottom by the dog. After much squeaking and growling Rad managed to get free of the dog and shot back up the chimney. He flew out of the chimney like a cork in a champagne bottle and landed right on his sore bottom back in the sleigh. The minute he was in, Rudolph started up the sleigh again and off they went.

Now you'll be happy to know that not every house Rad went to was as bad. Nope, some were worse. I kid, I kid. Rad managed to deliver presents to all the world's children without any more dog bites and without falling out of the sleigh. He and the reindeer arrived back at the North Pole in the early hours of Christmas morning, exhausted.

Rad thought that Doc would have come down to help him unharness the
reindeer, but all was quiet. He tiredly went about his work, making sure the reindeer were fed, watered and made comfy, then he wearilly walked into the dark workshop. He sighed to himself. Normally when Santa got back there was a huge party in here. All of a sudden the lights went up. The workshop was full of elves and Santa was there too. 'Surprise!' everyone shouted.

'But you all should be in bed', said Rad, bewildered.

We all have Reindeer pox now Rad, so it doesn't matter!' boomed Santa. 'Let the party begin!'

And so it did, and that is how Rad the elf saved Christmas. Now go away and if you're really good I might think about reading you another story at another time.

Fiction Archive

Cal Fortuneswell

21.12.06 Front Page

Back Issue Page