Instructions for Consumer Goods.
Created | Updated Oct 20, 2010
<H2><FONT color=FF6EC7>
These are actual labelled instructions on consumer goods around the globe:</H2>
<H4><UL><FONT color= E47833>
<LI>On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)<BR/>
<LI>On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase nesessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
<LI>On a bar of Dove soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
<LI>On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's "just" a suggestion!)
<LI>On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.
(The big one or the little one?)
<LI>On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:(printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)
<LI>On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)
<LI>On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
<LI>On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
<LI>On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
<LI>On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children.
(Or pets! What's for dinner?)
<LI>On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
<LI>On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
<LI>On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
<LI>On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(have a lobotomy)
<LI>On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(What is this, a home castration kit?)
<LI>On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
</UL></H4>
<UL><FONT color=FFFFOO><H3>User Pages</H3>
<LI><a href="/A133705">Facts of Life</a>
<LI><a href="/A131545">The Supra</a>
<LI><a href="/U47126">Blarb Scalm</a>
<LI><a href="/A180668">Plagiarism</a>
<LI><a href="/A181388">Marriage - The 8th Deadly Sin
</UL>
These are actual labelled instructions on consumer goods around the globe:</H2>
<H4><UL><FONT color= E47833>
<LI>On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)<BR/>
<LI>On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase nesessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)
<LI>On a bar of Dove soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
<LI>On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's "just" a suggestion!)
<LI>On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.
(The big one or the little one?)
<LI>On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:(printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)
<LI>On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)
<LI>On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
<LI>On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
<LI>On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
<LI>On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children.
(Or pets! What's for dinner?)
<LI>On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)
<LI>On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)
<LI>On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)
<LI>On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(have a lobotomy)
<LI>On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(What is this, a home castration kit?)
<LI>On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
</UL></H4>
<UL><FONT color=FFFFOO><H3>User Pages</H3>
<LI><a href="/A133705">Facts of Life</a>
<LI><a href="/A131545">The Supra</a>
<LI><a href="/U47126">Blarb Scalm</a>
<LI><a href="/A180668">Plagiarism</a>
<LI><a href="/A181388">Marriage - The 8th Deadly Sin
</UL>
