The dark art of summoning the dead to do your evil bidding. At auctions. And car-boot sales. And 'good day' to people passing along the road. And at stockbrokers. And at mass battles between the forces of darkness and light. And so on.

Necromancers are always dark figures, who take to wearing black cowls and adopt pale skin pigmentation (which, by the way, makes them ideal for modelling the latest Paris collection, what with having skin whiter than specially - prepared towels that have been washed with new Persil tablets). Often, they have no skin at all, (even better for the Paris collection!) and instead have dark, eyeball-less skulls, slightly shrunken heads and permanent involuntary eerie smiles.

People who practise these magics are very unfairly stereotyped by people who play role-play games. Stereotyping is a terrible, terrible thing, as the bearded, real-ale drinking, nerdy, fat-b*****d virgins should know ¹.

To summon the dead, follow the following steps, to make them your loyal following followers:

1. Chalk out a pentagram in white chalk on your fake quarry-stone kitchen floor, which your estate agent assured you was authentically authentic.
2. Take a goblet make out of a human skull (the estate agent's will do) and fill it with blood (also the estate agent's).
3. Splash the blood around the pentagram, and chant an appropriately evil-sounding foreign mantra. Try and find something in Arabic, it always sounds about right. Make sure, however, to not use words that mean something like 'please can you direct me to the nearest public convenience' or 'where's that bloody estate agent?', as the spirits of the dead tend to get quite offended by that sort of thing.
4. Take what remains of the blood in the goblet and proceed to your nearest cemetery on foot. It's best not to do it by car, as if you get stopped by the police and have to explain what you are doing, it won't look too good if you are carrying around bits of estate agent and have to say to the policeman 'I'm sorry, officer, I was just of to the cemetery to summon the dead. As you can see, I'm in a bit of a rush, so if you don't mind...?'. Chances are you will be arrested for a couple of drug sales and a bullion robbery.
5. Enter the cemetery, still chanting your mantra, and splash the rest of the blood about the path. If it's worked, you should see the hands of the dead rising up from their graves towards you. If it hasn't worked, you'll just be standing in the middle of a desolate cemetery, with all the evidence of a murder case in your hands, looking like a right tit.
6. Tell your army of undead to do your evil bidding. At auctions. And car-boot sales. And 'good day' to people passing along the road. And at stockbrokers. And at mass battles between the forces of darkness and light. And don't forget to tell them to seek out the estate agents.

Necromanc y is not to be confused with necrophilia.