HOW TO DRIVE IN CANBERRA
Created | Updated Feb 16, 2002
HOW TO DRIVE IN CANBERRA
Indicators
The sole purpose of indicators is to annoy people. Ideally, when suddenly changing lanes, they should not be used at all. If you feel you must use them, wait until you are completely in the new lane then flash your indicator once. If someone from out of town makes the mistake of indicating before changing lanes, accelerate hard into the gap and give them a look as if to say "what are you going to do next, molest my children?". Always indicate the wrong way when going round roundabouts.
Lanes
The general rule is to drive in any lane you feel like but to drive fast in the slow lane and slow in the fast lane is preferred.
Overtaking
Overtaking is the purpose of life. If somebody overtakes you, go home and shoot yourself. Wear a baseball cap backwards when you drive - this makes your car go faster. Always wear sunglasses - even at night.
Handbrake
The handbrake should never be used and major manufacturers are thinking of removing it from Australian cars. If possible fit extra brake lights/Christmas tree lights so you can really blind the driver behind you when stopped at traffic lights.
Types of car
Men should drive a Ford Falcon , preferably a blue one. People with
no penis should drive a Holden Commodore or a smaller, more effeminate
car. However this gives every right to commodore drivers to pretend your car is invisible and drive accordingly. People who live in the inner city area should drive four wheel drive vehicles as these areas are prone to heavy snow falls and mud-slides.
U-turns
Try to fit a few u-turns into your journey however unnecessary they are.
Traffic Lights
A red light doesn't actually mean stop unless you would be the fifth car to go through. Never wait for the lights to change to green as you can usually creep to the other side of the junction without anybody noticing. When the green finally comes put your foot to the floor so you can arrive at the next red light before anybody else. Just before you stop at the red light, change lanes as often as possible. The police award commendations to drivers who manage to change lanes 4 times and get back in the original lane even if it is just to get ahead of one car. In Canberra it is considered polite to stick the middle finger up the air and tilted slightly towards the other driver once you are ahead of him.
Giving way
Never give way as it is a sign of weakness. If someone gives way to you never acknowledge it. Instead give them a dirty look as they are probably a communist or a supporter of gun law reform.
Indicators
The sole purpose of indicators is to annoy people. Ideally, when suddenly changing lanes, they should not be used at all. If you feel you must use them, wait until you are completely in the new lane then flash your indicator once. If someone from out of town makes the mistake of indicating before changing lanes, accelerate hard into the gap and give them a look as if to say "what are you going to do next, molest my children?". Always indicate the wrong way when going round roundabouts.
Lanes
The general rule is to drive in any lane you feel like but to drive fast in the slow lane and slow in the fast lane is preferred.
Overtaking
Overtaking is the purpose of life. If somebody overtakes you, go home and shoot yourself. Wear a baseball cap backwards when you drive - this makes your car go faster. Always wear sunglasses - even at night.
Handbrake
The handbrake should never be used and major manufacturers are thinking of removing it from Australian cars. If possible fit extra brake lights/Christmas tree lights so you can really blind the driver behind you when stopped at traffic lights.
Types of car
Men should drive a Ford Falcon , preferably a blue one. People with
no penis should drive a Holden Commodore or a smaller, more effeminate
car. However this gives every right to commodore drivers to pretend your car is invisible and drive accordingly. People who live in the inner city area should drive four wheel drive vehicles as these areas are prone to heavy snow falls and mud-slides.
U-turns
Try to fit a few u-turns into your journey however unnecessary they are.
Traffic Lights
A red light doesn't actually mean stop unless you would be the fifth car to go through. Never wait for the lights to change to green as you can usually creep to the other side of the junction without anybody noticing. When the green finally comes put your foot to the floor so you can arrive at the next red light before anybody else. Just before you stop at the red light, change lanes as often as possible. The police award commendations to drivers who manage to change lanes 4 times and get back in the original lane even if it is just to get ahead of one car. In Canberra it is considered polite to stick the middle finger up the air and tilted slightly towards the other driver once you are ahead of him.
Giving way
Never give way as it is a sign of weakness. If someone gives way to you never acknowledge it. Instead give them a dirty look as they are probably a communist or a supporter of gun law reform.
